our girls, our life

Still here....with a little perspective

2009-12-24T20:40:00.002-06:00

Okay, first and foremost I want to thank everyone who posted a comment here or on FB, emailed, or called after my last blog entry. Every single one of them meant so much to me, truly from the bottom of my heart. I knew then that I was not alone....that I was not a bad mom....and that it would be ok.

I had never been told, or realized, that it was okay to feel the way I felt when I last blogged. I had never had other women tell me that there were days that they didn't love being a mom, that they lost some of who they were, and that they weren't always the perfect family. No one ever wants to say that....but I did.

So, to read comments from all of these amazing women who were going through some of the same things I was helped me immensely. It validates that it's not just you, that it is hard, and that it is worth it. I just can't help but wonder why it is not spoken of more often. Why is it not okay to talk about the struggles that come with all of the good?? Why is it not okay to say that you feel restless and that you are struggling to maintain the you that you need with the you that is a mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend??

And, with all of this validation comes some perspective as well. I have SO much. My children are mainly healthy and happy. And, I have a loving husband. I have a lot. And, I am grateful for all that I have. Because with out my family, both the struggles and the joy, would disappear.

So, I am still here. I am still working through the stuff that I spewed out last time. I have not jumped off a bridge as I am guessing some of you were starting to wonder. I am way too stubborn to give up on something as good as what I have.

Lost

2009-12-06T15:35:00.003-06:00

Okay, first warning, this one is going to be a deep and/or long post...

Lost is the only word to describe how I am feeling these days. I am making choices that even I don't understand. I am allowing people to put their pain on me, when I don't even have the ability to carry more right now. Who am I ? How can I feel lost? How is that even possible when I am surrounded by amazing, incredible people?!? How can I just feel restless, unsettled, and like something is missing? What is going on?

The past year has been a rough one, I am not going to lie. There has been a lot to work through with the girls and a lot for Ron and I too. The economy is doing us no favors given the job sectors we both work in, and I won't lie, it hasn't been fun. It's been survival mode...just get through the day...the week...the month. We have had fun, good, wonderful times too, it's not that. But just under the surface the worry, fear, hesitation bubbles up. And, I can't quiet it....no matter how hard I try. And, trust me, I am trying....and praying... and praying.

But, more than that, I feel lost. I feel like I have lost who I am and what I want on the journey to our family. And, I don't resent that, I knew that being a mom meant sacrifices, I just didn't know that losing me was one of them. And, so I have been working to recreate time for me, starting with taking time to take care of myself..which translates to...the gym. A simple step right?!? But, it has been one of the hardest so far. It seems so selfish, and make me get home even later, and sometimes I don't even get home in time to see the girls. Yet, I know that I have to and that I am doing the right thing. I need to take care of me, so that I can take care of them. A simple truth that rings in my ears when I start to doubt my decision. And there is progress, slowly but surely, there is progress. I have left behind 50 lbs of self doubt so far this year and know that there is more to go.

But, beyond the physical there is so much more. So much has changed within, over the course of the last 5+ years. How do you get the rest back? How do I get back that totally self-confident person who didn't doubt anything...ever? How can I come to terms with situations I will never fully understand that impact my life daily? How do I really accept that not everyone will like me(or the choices that I make), and that it's ok? How do I finally realize that the people I really need will always be there? How do I learn to feel settled in the life (and number of children) I have, even though my heart is pulling me in a different direction?

I know that I am not alone, and that many people struggle with the same things. But, I don't want to struggle any more. I want to move past, I want to move forward. I don't want to feel lost. So, I hold on to the most important things I have...three of them...and know that we will get through this....together.

Holy Bigness!

2009-11-15T21:46:00.003-06:00

Holy bigness!! I braided my sweet girls hair today, and suddenly she looked big. I looked at her when I was done, and saw this beautiful little girl...a girl! Not a baby, toddler, or even pre-schooler (which she is!!).....she looks like a girl. Eeek...she isn't even 5 yet. How has this happened? This momma isn't ready yet. Sigh! But isn't she gorgeous??

Oh, and her hair has gotten long...crazy long. She LOVES it!

Overdressed for the party

2009-11-01T22:28:00.006-06:00

Today was just tooo nice to not take a few minutes to go outside when we got home. The girls were still in their dress clothes, but who cares when there are leaves to kick, running to do, and a trampoline full of leaves calling your name.
Kya was not in a super cooperative mood, but I got a few pictures of her. But, my Makenna appreciates the opportunity to move more than most, and it is evident on her whole face when she gets the chance. Pure joy comes out of her. I LOVE that most!

(perhaps my fave pic of the day--this is the real Makenna-pure joy)

Ummmmm

2009-10-20T20:09:00.004-05:00

I couldn't find the right words to create a title to this post, and I have no idea what moved me to post it tonight. I have neglected this blog horribly for the past six months, and to come back is actually really hitting me tonight. Tears are pouring down my face as I type and I don't know how to explain why. Hmmm

Where have we been? Here, right here. But, there have been some things to work through that just felt too big to blog about. But, in the end, we find our way through and new normals are created. And, so I am back. Hopefully for good.

So much has happened since I have really last blogged, so I may try to touch on those things as well. But, mostly it will be going forward...looking to the future and working it out.

The biggest changes have happened with my sweet girls. They are big, so, so, so big. Wow, it is amazing how time flies.

Makenna...my sweet girl. September marked three huge events for Miss Makenna. 1) School

2) one year anniversary since we started sensory therapy; 3) glasses

Makenna starting pre-K was a huge source of anxiety for me because I knew that it would push her to her limits as far as holding it together. And, for the first month she really struggled, but we have seen some progress and she seems to be enjoying it more. The 1/2 day option was a good start for her, and by the time she gets picked up she is ready to go and MOVE. We also hit the 1 year mark for therapy and I can't believe how fast that has gone. She has come a long, long way and I pray every day that those improvements never stop until she hits her true potential. Finding a way to tap into the amazing kid she is inside is my constant quest. I am honored to be her mom. And, the glasses. They came out of nowhere and had mama's head spinning. But, aren't they cute?

Kya...my precious baby. September marked another big for our family. It marked the two year anniversary of Kya's coming home. My sweet baby is still sensitive, and needs love and reassurance that we aren't going anywhere, especially since her sister went to school., but she has come SO far since she came into our arms and hears. Her snuggles are more frequent and her path never strays far from those she trusts, but she loves like no other. And, as we all settle into a new routine she is realizing that she gets a little more one-on-one this way and loves that! She is really such a sweet little soul and love watching her really come into her own, in all her two-year old glory! I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be her mom.

So there it is. I have no good reason for staying away other than it just wasn't right. But, I miss my blog, I miss the people I have met through it, and I miss their families. And, with that...we are back.

Big Girl

2009-08-18T12:51:00.003-05:00

There is a girl who has decided that it's better to wear her underwear on the inside of her clothes, rather than the outside. Someone has decided she is most ready to be a big girl, and most days does a great job. Wow, time is flying!

Daisy Daze- Part 2

2009-07-14T22:32:00.001-05:00

And, just a few more because I couldn't resist and because we were out in the daisies twice this year. Neither time was I prepared, or have kids dressed in the "perfect outfits" or even have their hair done. It was a spontaneous trip out on the 4 wheelers to my parents acreage. Yet, in the end, I love these pictures because it reminds of the beauty that surrounds me everyday when I take the time to slow down and enjoy it.

Aren't they looking big all of a sudden??!??

Daisy Daze- Part1

2009-07-13T22:48:00.004-05:00

They are a little late this year, but never late than never right?!?

Ahh, aren't they sweet? Round two is on it's way!

Hairapy

2009-05-29T00:12:00.004-05:00

I just stumbled across these pictures from the last time that I did Makenna's hair. Whenever we do hair, I take pictures afterward so that when I need inspiration I can refer back to styles that I liked. And, I LOVED this style on Makenna, for some reason it fit her perfectly.

So, I had done that and then Makenna sat down with Ky to "do her hair too". It was the sweetest thing to witness! She kept telling her what nice hair she had and that she would be careful and not pull it. I was more worried about the very sharp rattail comb, but she did great.

What suprised me the most is how much she knew about what we do, she was parting and combing and trying to twist-all things I do to her on the top of her head where she can't see. Anyhow, just some cuteness captured between the dynamic duo.

Sweet

2009-05-16T00:25:00.004-05:00

With some of the challenges that Makenna has faced, we weren't sure this day would come. But, boy oh boy is it sweet. Meet Makenna's new best friend...her bike. I actually teared up the first time she rode it sucessfully. Progress is oh so sweet. Let it keep on coming.

Loss

2009-04-25T21:57:00.004-05:00

April 3, 2009 my grandmother passed away. The loss was devastating and left me feeling vulnerable and exposed, and just not ready to blog. Sorry for the silence.

In early March she was hospitalized, and through some difficult series of events, came home to live out her remaining time where she felt comfortable. It was a choice that she made. She knew that by coming home, she was refusing the treatments that would extend her life. She chose quality over quantity. A choice that for me was incredibly difficult to understand initially, but I knew I was being selfish and that I wasn't ready to let her go. So, we knew that she would maybe only had a month or two at best. We knew rationally that every time we said good-bye it could be the last. But, rational thinking is hard is circumstances like this. So, every time we saw her (and we saw her as often as we could) we told her how much we loved her and how much she meant to us every time. Most visits would end with tears, but tears that were filled with love. Her final days were filled with visits from friends, family, all of her children, grandchildren and great-grand children. She was never alone. She was loved.

But, the most difficult part was that I knew that the girls would feel the sting of this loss too. They weren't in my life when I lost my grandfather 5 years ago, so that pain I took on alone. This time they were involved. They had an incredible relationship with their great-grandma and adored her-Makenna especially. It was sweet and amazing to witness. She loved them unconditionally and exceptionally. She loved all in that manner. The girls were among the last ones who spoke to her before she passed. She had been sleeping all morning and heard them come into the room and woke up. They got to kiss her, say they loved her and hear her say that she loved them too. It was heartbreaking, but I was so glad they got to have that with her.

So, a heavy heart was holding me down. Just last week the fog finally cleared when Ron and I got away for a few days and had a much needed reprieve. Time heals, even though you never forget. I will miss her every day of my life, but have a faith that holds out the hope of seeing her again. Better days will come!

Bubba & Forrest

2009-03-21T20:34:00.003-06:00

The girls wanted yogurt and I said that they could have a picnic in the living room on Kya's blanket. I gave them their yogurts and sent them to the living room. I just about died laughing when I came in and saw them like this. I asked Makenna why they were sitting like this and she looked at me with the "duh mom" look. "Because we don't want to get in the mud, we make each other chairs" she said. Ummm, okay I don't see the mud and I know they have never seen Forrest Gump, so I have no idea where she came up with this. These two crack me up!

Overloaded

2009-03-15T21:59:00.003-06:00

That is how I am feeling these days. Life is coming at me faster than I can take hold of it. I have hesitated to post, because I fear it will all sound negative and I do not want that. But, at last I can not hold it in any longer.

One of the big things is Makenna. I love that girl more than I can say, but she is a HANDFUL! Truly, she and Kya are my soul. But, lately Makenna has really been struggling with her behavior issues associated with her Sensory Processing Disorder.
I was naive in my understanding of what SPD really was when they first said that Makenna had it. I thought it would be this quick thing that we would do some OT for, and it would be all good in a couple of months. Of course, I was wrong in that thinking. She had so many behaviors and challenges that we compensated for, that we didn't realize some of the areas that she was struggling in. And, she has come a long way since she started, but we have so much further to go. And, with pre-school coming this fall, I just am starting to worry that she will really struggle with school based on her current behaviors.

Her biggest challenges are her frustration level, aggravated by a very short attention span and her EXCESSIVE energy. Not just a 4 yr old energy level, but like you gave said 4 yr old an energy drink or 12. It is crazy. And, we have gotten very creative in our output choices and really try to find the outlets that she so craves. She needs jumping (trampoline), swinging (now indoor and out), spinning, and heavy pushing, pulling, or carrying something like a weighted backpack. It provides good input and grounds her.We do brushing and joint compression as well. But, the need to find that input is constant, and it wears a momma down.

The worst part is that I know that there are parents who are struggling with so many other things and would love to see their child run and jump and spin, so I feel guilty for even feel annoyed by the constant need for movement. I feel guilty now for even saying all of this, but I have to.

And, just within the last week we have gotten feedback from her therapist that she has even struggled at therapy with inattentiveness, and just being a little less cooperative. So, we are now considering a diet change. We have decided to attempt a gluten-free diet first, with a possible dairy free diet down the line if necessary. Again, I am overwhelmed and stumbling into a whole new world that I know nothing about. I have spent hours online reading, researching and learning. Today I went shopping for some of the gluten free basics, and now feel ready to start this challenge. But, any ideas or input are welcome.

I guess it just comes down to the fact that I want to do the best thing that I can for her, but I feel like I don't always know what that is. It's so unfair to her to struggle like she does with some things, but I can't take that away and it is paralyzing to me at times. I pray everyday that she grows up realizing that I did the best I could, but will that be good enough????

Hair, Hair, Hair-The After Show

2009-03-01T20:47:00.003-06:00

Eeek! 2+weeks between posts--sorry about that.

This is a quick update and the answer to some questions that were posted in the comments on our previous post. Sorry it took so long to answer them. First, I learned to do hair by trial and error. Makenna came home completely bald, so I had time. I joined a Yahoo group for Hair and Skincare, and gleaned a lot of informatin from there. But, for me, it just comes down to doing it. So, I have learned by doing Makenna's hair. My firm belief is that anyone can learn, it might take some longer than others, but you will find your groove. And, even after almost 4 years, I am not always happy with how it turns out when I do it.

Second, in regards to how we did Kya's hair in the coils, it's SO easy. I just divide her head into small boxes, like you would for box braids. Then, instead of braiding, I smooth gel, or hair butter through that small section of hair, comb through it once, and then just coil the section of hair around my finger counter clockwise like you would do if you were twirling your hair. Just twirl until it forms the curl and viola! It's so easy even my husband took her hair out of the parts and re-did the style on his own--a definite first for him. I have done this same style with Makenna's hair when she was younger and it always was a favorite. The more hair texture the better it stays, but even with Kya's really soft texture it lasts at least a week. Quick and easy!

Third, this is the product of our most recent braiding session, and my lovely girl is certain EVERYONE wants to see her "rainbow hair".-from every angle none the less(can you tell I have a little helper sitting on my lap while I type this). I am very happy she is proud of her hair, but sometimes I wonder how her head fits through the door. :) I had no idea what I was going to do when we started, but it turned out to be some angled (all diff't angles) cornrows. She loves it, so I am happy.

Hair, Hair, Hair

2009-02-11T23:22:00.005-06:00

I took Makenna's hair out last night and put Kya's hair in. Makenna's cornrows has lasted over 5 weeks-woo hoo! I remember the days when a hair-do only lasted a few days, maybe a week. And, because of Kya's hair texture, or lack thereof, I don't always put hers into a longer lasting type of style. But, I am so glad I did, because she LOVED it! She looked at herself and just giggled. I haven't finished it, but for now it's just in little coils. Here she is a year ago with just a little hair, and now:

And, Makenna's hair is just incredible. It has grown so much and is really getting long. It stretches to halfway down her back! She loves having an afro and thinks she is the most beautiful girl in the world when she is rocking her 'fro. Recently she went up to an Ethiopian lady(unprompted) while we were at dinner and told her how beautiful her hair was(she had a huge, gorgeous afro), she was completely in awe of her and just kept saying how pretty she was. I am REALLY hoping that this love for her natural hair does not fade with time. I love to see her that proud of her hair. Here are pics from Feb 2007, Feb 2008 and now Feb 2009. Look at the amount of growth! And, I can guarantee it's at least 2-3 times thicker too. Love it!

Blog Tag

2009-02-08T15:04:00.003-06:00

I was blog tagged by a couple of fellow bloggers, so here we go!

Here are the rules:

1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.

2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.

3. Explain the photo.

4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun!

This is a picture of Makenna and I right after she got home. We were at CHSFS and this is her smiling at Jan Simon. Jan had been in Ethiopia a few weeks before we travelled and had given us some updates and took some pictures of Makenna for us, so we had decided to pay her a visit so she could see how much she had grown. I am glad she warned us, because she was so tiny! Man, that feels like an eternity ago. But, she still has the best smile doesn't she????

Now, I tag:

Scary stuff

2009-02-03T22:00:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the silence. Things have been a little off this past week. The girls went to the International Adoption Clinic at the U of M for our annual appointment. We have chosen to take them once a year, because our local pediatrician just isn't as familiar with some of the issues that we face. During that appointment we mentioned a couple of concerns about Kya and the doctor confirmed that there were some concerns that we need to address. And, one of them is very, very, scary to a momma who isn't used to taking her kiddos to medical procedures. We aren't quite ready to go into detail until we find out what, if anything, is going on. Please just keep us in your thoughts.

My sweet girl has already had a rough road, so I am praying that nothing big is going on. I love, love, love this crazy little girl.

When you turn your back for a minute....

2009-01-25T11:00:00.000-06:00

This is what happens.

Yep, she is IN the washing machine. She was helping me unload the washing machine just a minute before this and I went to grab the laundry from another room and came back to find her like this. I was shocked, then laughed, then of course had to grab my camera. Probably not winning parent of the year for that one huh? But, we did have a chat about staying out of appliances..... all appliances. She just smiled and said "I know." Sigh. :-)

Revealing Closets

2009-01-21T13:19:00.000-06:00

Back in September I did a post about the way Makenna's closet looks, and a really smart lady commented on our craziness. This is part of what she said:

"Those photos are overwhelming me! Somewhere I learned that the state of one's mind is reflected in their closets! Haha. "

When I read that it really hit me. And, I couldn't shake it, for days, then weeks, then a month. She was right. The state of my mind was just as confused, jumbled, stuffed and unorganized as M's closet. Our days were overfilled during most of summer and then right into fall. It was running everyday to M's therapy and then work. It was stress. It was too much. It was chaos. It was time to change.

So, I have been working on my state of mind and on M's closet. It's not perfect. But we're making progress. Thanks for the tough love really smart lady!

Before

After

Laptop Strike is OVER!

2009-01-20T22:33:00.003-06:00

Sorry y'all my laptop cord completely fell apart(wore out from overuse probably) and apparently the "universal" replacement cords that Best Buy, Circuit City, etc are NOT universal. Even with giving the make and model, the sales people still couldn't find the right one, but were more than happy to sell the wrong one. Anyhow, we are back!

We have been really low key around here because it has been so cold and the kiddos have both been sick. They just got over the cough/cold crud and now have for the last three days had a fever. Nothing else, just a fever. I am perplexed. Oh, and Makenna doesn't just get a little fever. When that girl gets a fever, it's high--crazy high--like 104.5 degrees high today again. It is scary! But you would never know it. She really doesn't show signs of being sick until at least 102-103 degrees. She is so tough. Kya on the other hand is a sobbing, whining mess at 99 degrees. But, the silver lining is that I get tons of snuggles when they don't feel good. I hate having to give them medications, but obviously having been trying to keep them comfortable. I am just praying that I am not next. I think cabin fever has officially hit us already.

Is it summer yet??? Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts...

Kya-versary

2009-01-02T20:21:00.008-06:00

December 27th was our first anniversary of Kya's re-adoption here in Wisconsin. On both of the girls' court days we try to spend the day as a family and really celebrate the creation of our forever family. We really have reason to celebrate our family after how far we all have come in the past year. I remember when the judge asked us if this adoption was in the best interest of Kya, and I thought "man I hope so" because at that point she wasn't too fond of us. Now, just a year later I would shout yes, yes, yes!!!! It is in the best interest of all of us to have her in our lives forever.

(NOT a great family pic, but it was the only one we got of all of us, so....)

For Kya's special day we decided to head to the Mall of America to hit Underwater World, Nickolodean Universe and American girl.

Here are few from UnderWater world first. This was the first time that Kya really got into it, so it was cool to see. Both of the girls made shark tooth necklaces to commemorate our visit. Kya loves purple, so picked a pink and purple one for her and Makenna choose sparkly pink, of course.

Nickolodean World was not Kya's favorite, except the carousel, which she really liked.

And then it was off to the ultimate in crazy ideas--the American Girl store. We decided before we went in that the girls were going to get the bitty twin dolls that looked more like them than some of the other brown dolls. And, we really wanted it to be a sister bonding thing. These dolls are sisters, just like they are sisters. It was a big step forward from where we were last year. And, Kya is really big into babies, so we thought that she would love it. Turns out Makenna loved it way more--Kya was a little into it, but was definitely less than we thought.

(Kya having a heart-to-heart with her baby)

Look at how different their hair is. I hadnt realized the dramatic difference in color until I saw these pictures. The texture I knew, but this really shows how we cover opposite ends of the hair spectrum in our house. :)

Play-dough Day

2008-12-25T00:26:00.004-06:00

Thanks to the easy recipe from Mama Papaya we had quite a bit of fun making home made play dough. We did a triple batch and used some natural coloring and some funky neon coloring to make things a little more interesting. I have to say that both of the girls played with the brown play dough that was colored by cocoa and smelled divine, more than any other color.

Makenna decided she wanted to make something and decided on a girl. Here is her creation. She really did almost all of it herself, including the "rocking 'fro hair with a really pretty headband" and the funky lime green shoes. I was really impressed with her final results.

And, Kya, well she decided that it was more fun to try to take apart the play dough toys and to try and eat the play dough than actually do anything. Gotta love that crazy girl!

Four

2008-12-21T15:01:00.005-06:00

Yep, that how old my baby turned almost two weeks ago. How can it be, when it feels like she just turned three??? Waaaaahhhh!

So, Makenna is four. She is this little girl now, totally having lost the toddler thing long ago. How did that happen without me realizing it fully?? She is growing a ton, and smart, and sweet (mostly :)) and funny, and crazy. I just really and truly can not believe that she has been our lives for almost FOUR years already. The time has just flown by.

And, yet every year when this time rolls around I can't help but think about the person(s) on the other side of the world who have made heart-wrenching decisions and sacrifices that allow me to be the person she calls Mommy. Even after four years my mind just can't wrap around that. But, I am blessed beyond belief to be the one who kisses her goodnight each night and to see her smiling (usually:)) face each day. And, I forget that occasionally when I am exhausted from parenting her some days. She is a challenge for sure, but the reward is sweet. See for yourself. Some random pics of my sweet girl from the last couple of weeks(and yes I realize that it's winter where we live, but we pretend it summer sometimes and wear sundresses as evidenced below). And, no I do not make her pose all of the time, she comes by it pretty naturally--scarily naturally!

Bath Time in Pictures

2008-12-09T08:30:00.000-06:00

Usually the pics that we take at bath time never make it to the blog for obvious reasons. So, I decided to do a blog-worthy version of sweet Kya's bath time.

I love this mouth, so full of kisses.

Look at the hands on this girl-they are HUGE! (that is a duckie that she is smothering!)

Icey Africa

2008-12-07T21:10:00.000-06:00

Looks a little like Africa right? That's what Makenna thought when we were outside playing. We were stomping on this big chunk of ice and Makenna started jumping up and down and freaking out,telling me to stop.

Makenna: "Mommy look, it's like your necklace. It's that big place where Ethiopia is!"

Me: "Africa?"

Makenna: "Yeah, I know. It's ice Africa though now."(with a tone that would imply duhhh mom)

Makenna: "It's where I lived when I was a tiny, tiny baby. I 'member it."

I have to say I was suprised she recognized it. I was proud of her for spotting it and recognizing it, and that she was proud of where she was from. I wear my necklace most days, because it keeps the girls with me during the day when I am away from them. All I have to do is touch it and I reminded of all that I have been given, and all that I have. They both love to play with that necklace as well, and Kya often holds it as she is falling asleep if I rock her. I hope they grow up with a special place for both Africa and Wisconsin in their hearts. With love for their roots and for their present.

To Bean or Not to Bean

2008-12-06T17:43:00.001-06:00

That is the question. We have all been sick all week, as evidenced by the fact everyone is still in their jammies in the pics below. So, I was trying to come up with some quiet, low-key activities (as much for me as for them!) that we could do. I had bought a couple of bags of mixed beans to let them play with, and to use to make some seed art projects. So, I poured the bags into two bowls, grabbed some various other bowls, measuring cups, and some spoons. Viola! An activity that kept the girls busy for close to an hour. It was great!!

I had Makenna sort some of the beans to work on some of her fine motor skills (one of the things we work on at sensory therapy as well) as well as making her cross the midline of her body (another therapy thing). She did it happily and didn't realize that we were even "working", but just thought she was getting to play. And Kya was more than content to pour from measuring cup to measuring cup to measuring cup. She was in heaven. And, so was I. :)

Sick Day(s)

2008-12-02T21:27:00.003-06:00

Yep, that's what it took for me to finally make time to blog again. The girlies and I are both home sick with nasty little colds. Nothing huge, just a challenge when I don't feel good either. But, it did make me reflect on how full circle we have come in the last year. Kya actually woke up sick on Monday, and was SO snuggly when I got her out of bed. She was a ball of snot, but wanted so badly to love on me. She kept trying to kiss me, and would hug me and just plain old wanted her mommy! Finally!!!! I, of course, could not refuse the snot-filled kisses, as I have worked so hard to earn them from her. And, I really stopped to realize where we had finally gotten to.
A year ago you could not have convinced me that this day would ever come. I truly had reached one of the lowest points that I can think of in recent memory. This kid HATED me and all that I stood for. And, she had reason too for all that she had lost. Somehow I represented that for her and she resented me for it, and I resented her constantly rebuffing my efforts. I knew on a logical level that she was right to fight it, but it just wore me out sometimes. I really wondered if we hadn't just ruined her life and ours. I was completely unprepared for the intensity that our life took on for the first 6-9+ months after she came home. And, looking back, I am not sure that I could have done anything more to prepare for it, other than finding support systems ahead of time.

But now, I see her look at me and hear her squeal "Mommy" with one of the sweetest faces I have ever seen. She is so affectionate and snuggly and sensitive. She bounces through our house, finally realizing her place in our family, her forever family. She finally let her guard down enough to really love wide open with all that she is. I am reminded of it when I come home at night and she hurls herself at my legs to give me the hug of a lifetime. And when she cries when Daddy leaves a room, because she is still his #1 fan. Or when she and her sister are sitting side by side giggling at some non-existent hilarious happening. And, it starts to slowly erase the days, weeks and months of struggle when she first came home. It makes the thought of her not being here unbearable and unthinkable. And, it makes me ache to think of how much pain she was going through, and how tough she really is. It is humbling and wonderful and good. It is family.

7 Random Things About Me

2008-11-05T12:58:00.004-06:00

Okay, so I am a few weeks behind on this one, but I am going to do it anyhow. Here are seven random things about me, and I tag anyone who reads this who hasn't already done so, to do it!

1) I really HATE spiders. Not just a little, a lot....a lot.....a lot!

2) I had five wisdom teeth. Somehow that has not translated to more wisdom for me though.

3) I didn't know that I got sea sick until I went on a week long cruise. I know now, and I still want to go another cruise some day.

4) I have had 3 broken arms(twice on the left, once on the right), each time my brother was involved.

5) I don't like to follow rules..at all. I am terrible at following recipes because of this. I just want to make up my own. Sometimes it turns out really well, sometimes it could have been better.

6) My job requires me to follow rules and balance millions of dollars. Ironic huh?

7) I really want to live someplace warm and near a beach before I die!

Oh, and one more thing.....I REALLY love my family!

Camping Princesses

2008-11-05T12:43:00.002-06:00

We went camping a couple of weeks ago near Wisconsin Dells and it was SO much fun. Good times with good friends and for a good cause (volunteer building project) for almost an entire week.
The girls are so spoiled by our "camping family", and on the last trip received special princess presents from some of them. I do NOT buy a lot of princess-ey stuff, so Makenna was in heaven. She wore her necklace, earrings and tiara non-stop for several days. Even Kya and her little friend Emery left there's on too and they are both two and under!
A little bit of princess....

Yes, we are still alive

2008-10-31T17:43:00.003-06:00

To those of you who are still reading and checking in on our world, we are still alive. Sorry so long between posts, it's just been a pretty tough month for us. Lots of changes and not all for the good. More about that maybe later...

But, there are some really cool positive changes also. Especially with Makenna. We have been going to Sensory Integration Therapy with her every Tuesday and Thursday since completing the two week(every day) intensive program that we completed in early September. They said that we would see some improvements and 1 month after starting treatment and then again at three months. And, I am happy to report that so far we are definitely seeing small, positive changes.

One of the most exciting things is to see her changing in her ability to focus and organize enough to complete daily tasks that she couldn't prior to therapy. Simple little things that other take for granted, and that we didn't realize we compensated for until now. A little thing like actually asking to color. Makenna has NEVER asked to color before, and had no interest in it because it meant she would have to sit still. She actually asked to color and drew an organized picture of a rainbow versus the normal scribbling she would do. It brought me to tears--I was SOOOO happy for her. Another little thing is that she is finally starting to have an interest in learning how to write her name, and is starting to recognize more letters. Before we started therapy she recognized none, and now she can write most of her name. It's so cool to see.

Another big area of advancement is learning to calm herself and realizing that she can get out of control. She still does it, but it is easier for her to recognize it and ask for help, or allow us to help her to get back under control. That is huge! Her frustration level has subsided some and she is willing to attempt more things by herself. It really is amazing at all of the aspects that it touches.

The only downside is that it has been a lot to keep up with, and work, and all that comes with everyday life. We are gone everyday that I have off, and we just haven't had much time to breathe(with the exception of our little camping/volunteering excursion-pics to come soon). I look forward to settling into winter, and hope that when they retest her in December that they will decrease the # of times that we have to go, or say we are done altogether. I look forward to spending time at home--snuggled with my family, which is now stronger than ever. I look forward to having time to just be.

To those who are still reading and worrying and carrying about us-you know who you are--thank you!

Tenting it up!

2008-10-09T12:31:00.000-05:00

Just had to share these pictures of the girls playing in one of their new favorite toys--the beloved girlie tent. The tent is currently at grandma's house(where these pics were taken--I am not responsible for the wardrobe--especially Kya's :)) and is an endless source of amusement for these two. It came with one set of butterfly wings, which is the source of some fights, but a lovely lesson in sharing.

I was really struck by how big the girls looked-especially Kya. She has changed so much this past year and is quickly becoming a rambunctious little toddler. I love it! Most days anyhow..

Sorry for the lack of posts, but we have been running to Makenna's therapy a lot and some days there just is no time. More to come soon!

Through the mesh on top--Makenna told me "Mom you scared me--I having quiet time and you scared me to death!"

Not so happy with the sharing part here....

Obsession Complete

2008-09-30T09:48:00.002-05:00

Update to my last post......

You guessed it! 100% in 1:52 seconds!!! YEAH!!!!!! Okay, so it could be faster I know. But, it's hard when you have a 1 and 3 year old "helping" you "find Africa". Hey, we are all learning together right!?!?!

Addicted!

2008-09-25T12:13:00.002-05:00

I am completely addicted to this:

http://www.purposegames.com/game/countries-of-africa-quiz

The first time I tried I got a sad little 48%, but I am up to 84% now. WOO HOO! Apparently I need to brush up on my world geography.

Try it!

Superior

2008-09-15T12:18:00.005-05:00

These are from a lakeside park in Superior, WI. Couldn't resist snapping some photos of the girls and their cousin playing.

Oh, and the first pic is a result of my (apparently soon to be graduating daughter)posing after seeing a girl getting some grad photos shot. It was so funny that I had to share!:)

A Walk in the Park

2008-09-15T11:57:00.006-05:00

No More Shopping!

2008-09-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

Ater reading/seeing this post on the other Makena's Mommy's Blog, I decided we now know who to recruite to help us organize.

This is just Makenna's closet, and there is more! She has 4 drawers worth of stuff in her dresser too! No kid needs this much right?!?! Kya's side is not far behind her either.

In my defense I have not purchased all of it. My sweet sister has two girls ahead of mine, and is awesome enough to give us tons of hand-me-downs. We both need retail therapy help I think! :)

Un-bloggy & Stuff

2008-09-12T11:36:00.003-05:00

Well, I have been decidedly un-bloggy again this last week. I think that I haven't wanted to take the time to delve into all of the emotional stuff over the past week or so.

We celebrated our 1 year home with Kya and I really can't beleive it has been that long. In some ways it seems like it has been SO much longer (the first 6 months were rough okay!?!?) and then the rest has seemed to fly by. She has changed so much and grown so much in the last year. She has come a LONG way, and we still have a ways to go to be 100%. But, we are SO much better than where we were.

And, this week Makenna started an intensive 2 week Sensory Integration Program as well. I have hesitated to post about it too much, because we still know entirely what the plan of attack is, but it starts here. She hears everything at the same intensity, and really doesn't know how to block out background noise. So, she gets pretty overwhelmed and frusterated by everything coming at her at once. She also seeks and craves movement more than her body can handle. She will literally spin and get so dizzy that she has physically gotten sick before she realized that she should stop. Her brain is telling her "this is enough" the way it should be. So, we are working on those things, and hope that we are taking a step in the right direction.

So, we have therapy everyday for 2 weeks, twice a day, with at least 3 hours between each appointment. And, the therapy center is about an hour from our house. So, everyday we are up and to therapy early, do Makenna's thing, find a place to play for a few hours, do her 2nd appointment and then head home. The girls fall asleep in the car on the way home, so on my workdays I meet Ron somewhere, switch cars and then head to work-working from 2 or 3p.m. until around 9 p.m. It's been crazy and I am tired, but hopeful!

I am sure there will be lots of pics to follow from our fun little adventures this week. Stay tuned! :)

1 year ago

2008-08-31T00:40:00.004-05:00

The slide show is really long, but it really more for us than anything, so I don't expect anyone to sit through all of it. It has been a year in coming, but I finally sat down and did it since I am somewhere with good Internet connections.

I can't believe it's been a year since we were in Ethiopia. I miss it so much everyday. I can still remember when we stepped off that plane, one year ago, and smelled Ethiopia. The smell of woodsmoke, burning trash, diesel fumes and berebere spice--an indescribable, but familiar smell. I have rarely felt more like I was at home anywhere, especially considering it was thousands of miles from my home. This incredible place that brought my girls to me. The home of my heart.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Love

2008-08-28T23:13:00.000-05:00

What's not to love huh???

Cool Kya

2008-08-21T00:53:00.000-05:00

Miss Kya is changing so fast that I can't believe it. She is just turning into such toddler now, and is really leaving the baby stage in the dust. She is almost 16 mos old and is into EVERYTHING! She is so curious and learns so quickly that I am amazed. Her language is really starting to pick up and she is learning more words all of the time. And, she has really taken to music too. Not sure if that is because Makenna and I are constantly singing something, or if she finally just decided to give it a chance. She is babbling to the tune of a few different songs and has finally really found her dancing groove and like to shake her booty just like her big sister.

We are coming up on a year home and I can't believe how far we have come. She is a completely different girl. I will post more on that soon, but I just had to share a few thought on our sweet baby girl. I am so glad that I finally truly can't imagine our life without her. It was a long time coming, but we are there!

Cousins

2008-08-15T23:06:00.003-05:00

These are the sweet faces of 3 of the girls' cousins. These three little blonde haired and blue and hazel eyed cuties are the world to the girls. They spend a lot of time together and they really are so sweet to each other, ahem... at least some of the time. They are so much a part of our life I just had to share their pics. We love them to pieces!

Hair

2008-08-15T22:24:00.002-05:00

We are out of town this weekend(at a much needed spiritual refresher), but before we left I needed to rebraid or re-do Makenna's hair so that we wouldn't have to worry about it at all for the next week or two as we will be gone alot! So, we decided to do lots of two strand twists. So cute!

I got to thinking about all of the worry that is placed on my sweet girls' curls. Before they came I wondered if I would be able to do it their hair? Could I ever learn to cornrow when I am so NOT a hair person? What would other people say if I didn't do it right? And, on and on and on. It was one of the first things people asked me about. And, it is one of the first things people ask when they meet the girls--who does their hair? Or, YOU do their hair, how did you learn to do that? Like it is this impossible task for a white woman to learn to care for black childrens hair.

And, now there has been some discussion on some of our adoption groups and the forum for our agency about locs, where the hair is permanently locked together in small sections or hair, either by braids, or by rolling the hair together. Is it the right thing to do? What is the political message you are sending if you do loc your kiddos hair? Is there still a political message? What is the feedback they will get from the AA community? From other Ethiopians or Africans? And, on and on and on.

I never knew there would be so much drama surrounding the hair. I know that sounds naive, but I truly never understood it before we lived it. I may have heard about it, but I didn't understand it. And, I never will fully because I won't ever have to live it. And, I will not stand in judgement of what any mom chooses to do for their child, including hair. All, I do know is that I love the girls' hair! And, they have such different hair that it is crazy. Makenna's is thick, kinky, light brown and has truly perfect spirals. Kya's is soft, fine, dark and loopy. But, either way I just think it's beautiful. I LOVE their hair. And, I really have come to like doing it. Kya's we can't do much with yet, it just doesn't last long. But I have been putting puffs in and it is growing. And, Makenna's we do. It's a creative outlet for both of us. She gets to pick her 'do and I adapt it to my skill level. :) It's this special time we get together that I just can't imagine giving up entirely. That is one of my biggest concerns about locing her hair. I don't want it to be a cop out. I want to teach her to care for her hair naturally until she is old enough to choose how she wants her hair to be. I want to see her with "free" hair because I love how she looks. I want to spend that time teaching her that she is not the sum of her hair, but that her hair is just another part of what I hope will be a beautiful little soul inside and out. I suppose it's all about balance huh? Any thoughts about it all out there from any readers? I am definitely open to hearing others thoughts on the matter!

Here is M right after her bath with free hair, and then 2 very late hours later when I finished her hair and Makenna finished watching the Brandy version of Cinderella. She was a very happy but tired girl and I really had to work to get the after pics.

Before...

After....

Sistas!

2008-08-14T22:39:00.004-05:00

Here are some random cute pics of the girls from this past week. They were both being "mommy" to their individual babies and I couldn't resist. I have to capture the moments where they are actually playing together and seem to love each other, just to get me through the MANY moments where they aren't quite that way. :) Makenna was giving me some faces where she was trying not to laugh--she rarely succeeds, but she got a couple of good ones this time.

I especially love this pic of Kya sitting on Makenna. She is finally getting big enough for it to be more of a fair fight with her big sister. Makenna is going to be in trouble soon! Her little sister isn't missing a beat and learning from the master. We keep warning her!

Oh, and the pics of Makenna with her natella (Ethiopian shawl), man does she look big! Yikes, where is my baby going???

A Cut & Cornrows

2008-08-06T23:07:00.006-05:00

This past Saturday we took Makenna to Global Braids in St. Paul to get a her first "real" haircut at a salon, and her first professional braids. She was SO excited because she is with us a lot when we get haircuts, and could never understand why she didn't get to go and get one. I have trimmed her hair a lot over the last couple of years, but I was waiting to take her somewhere until she was old enough to handle it.

So, before we went we talked about what a "big privilege" (which is a big deal at our house right now!) it was to go and get her hair cut and braided. And, we had a little chat about how our behavior should be while we were there. I have to admit, I was nervous. I had no idea how she would react, or if she would sit still. And, of course, she proved me wrong. She sat like a champ and did awesome!

The woman, Biftu, who owns the salon is Ethiopian and all of the clientele was as well while we were there. So, as soon as Makenna went in, she knew this was something special. Biftu was wonderful with Makenna and was surprised at how long her hair is when it's stretched out, and said her hair looked great! YEAH!!! We are doing the right things I guess. Her hair is getting long and comes to the middle of her shoulders when it is wet in the tub. It just shrinks like crazy with all those incredible curls!

We ended up talking with her and her husband forever, and they were so incredibly friendly and really sweet to both of the girls. It was a very positive first experience for both of us.

Afterward we went for dinner at Fasika's Ethiopian restaurant (Makenna got to pick) and our favorite waitress was working. She is so sweet to our family, and her and Makenna are buddies. She brought both of the girls special little tiny cups of coffee along with mine, which were mostly milk and a little coffee. And, she carries Makenna around and lets her "help" while she is working. It's so sweet to watch.

So, all in all a really good Saturday for us. Oh, and the best part of all...even though Makenna LOVED her braids, she said that she wants mommy to do them next time because I do it better. Awwww, way to melt my heart baby!

Whoa!

2008-08-04T22:38:00.004-05:00

Whoa! Is right! I knew it had been a while since I had been able to sit down and blog, but I had not idea it had been so long! Wow. As you have probably guessed we have been crazy busy the last few weeks (and I am trying to wean my computer addiction too :)). We have been gone a ton, and I have just been plain old too tired to get my butt on here and post.

We went camping in July with some of my family like we always do. Usually it's all of my sibs and their spouses and kids and my parents. One of my bros and his family didn't make it, but the rest of us did. We went to Lake Superior and here are a few pics of the girls hanging out there. Kya wasn't so sure about the beach experience. She didn't love the sand or the birds. But here are pics of them chasing the birds and a family pic too.

Kya was mad that Makenna was wasting perfectly good hot dog buns on the birds and attempted to sneak a bite whenever she could. Still working on the food issues obviously huh? :)

I promise to be back (soon:))with pictures of Makenna's first professional haircut and braiding.

Pics from the party before the Mehaber

2008-07-17T00:52:00.006-05:00

The weekend of the CHSFS Ethiopian Mehaber was one BIG party for our family. We met up with both travel groups, new friends, old friends and forum members! It was so much fun. So, the next few post will finally show the fun we had.

On Friday night we met with our 2nd travel group(which I forgot to bring my camera to) and with our 1st travel group. We also got to see Tesfaye and meet Nancy and Makena for the first time in real life. It was wonderful. Thanks Jon and Heather for having us over.

Here are a few pics from the night. I never did get a pic of Makenna and Makena together, but I got some sweet pics of Makena anyhow, and some cute pics of M, T, and Kenna together.

Finally Pics from the CHSFS Mehaber

2008-07-16T23:29:00.011-05:00

FINALLY, here are the pics from the MEHABER!! They are in random order, but show the fun we had that day. Dancing, friends, and more dancing was the order of the day. Makenna got to meet new friends like Lucy(they are SO much alike in their love of dance) and Morgan. Got to see the twins who came home the same time she did. And, got to meet a lot of the kids who came home in Kya's travel group, as well as all of the other kiddos we have already met. It was wonderful to see all of the families together. And, I LOVED getting to see and meet the moms too. We still missed some families we really wanted to see, so maybe next year! The day goes so fast, but was wonderful. Thanks again to all who help plan that for all of us. It was great!

Hopefully no one minds that I share pics of their kids, but if you do, just let me know. Thanks

Daisies!

2008-07-03T23:08:00.013-05:00

Okay, this post has been a week coming but I finally took the time to do it. I need to post pics from the picnic as well, but another night.

Every year we go out into the field behind our house and play in and take pictures in all of the daisies that come up early each summer. They are incredibly beautiful. We have done it now 3 years in a row with Makenna and this was Kya's first year. I think we got some great shots! Enjoy!!!

Makenna, First year (18 months old)

Makenna, 2nd year (2 1/2 yrs old)

And, now the pictures from this year. And, Kya happens to be wearing the same shirt that Makenna was wearing her first year--awwwww! So special! Maybe next year we will actually plan ahead and my kids won't be wearing play clothes for the first time! Oh well, they're so cute you don't notice right?!?!?!?!?

New Pic & Eating My Words

2008-06-24T21:40:00.004-05:00

Well, my children have forced me to eat my words as only children can. I don't know how it happened, but we have a new pic of the girls together. I couldn't believe how much Kya had changed in just the last few months. My baby's a growin'!

The New "Birtukan"

2008-06-23T22:50:00.004-05:00

The girls have a sweet friend named Birtukan, but this post isn't about her (sorry sweetie!), but rather it is about this thing:

This past weekend we went out of town for a few days, and this orange moose was in the parking lot/lawn area of one of the hotels in the town that we were in. We drove past it a couple of times everyday on our way to visit our friends at the campground. Makenna thought it was so cool. This is about how the conversation went:

Makenna: "Look mom a huge animal thing."

Mama: Yep, that's a moose. What color is it?

Makenna: Orange. Birtukan. Let's call him Birtukan. Is it a boy?

Mama: Yep it's a boy. But, Birtukan would still be a good name (thanking god that she didn't ask anymore about the differences between a boy and girl moose as she has done in the past! :)). And, proud that her Amharic color came immediately after her English one. Well done baby!

So, everytime we drove past this orange moose she would yell "Hi Birtukan. Eat some grass big boy." or, "goodnight Birtukan, dream about eating some grass." It was hilarious and I was suprised at the little friendship she developed with this guy over the course of 4 days. When it was time to leave she wanted to take a picture with the moose, so here is Makenna, Ron and Kya with Birtukan.

As we were getting in the truck, Makenna saw this view for the first time and yells out "Gross mom, they put poop on his butt or somesing. Wipe it off!" Ron and I cracked up and confirmed that we do not have an outdoorsy girl when she can't tell the difference between a tail and poop!

Too much cuteness

2008-06-21T00:22:00.002-05:00

Seriously, the girls can be so darn cute when they want to be. It just seems like it's not often that they want to be! :) For some reason, when they see the camera they decide it's time to ham it up. Come on ladies, mama just wants a good picture of BOTH of you at the same time! :) Oh well..in time maybe?!?! Meanwhile, they still are adorable.

Friends

2008-06-12T23:30:00.014-05:00

Thank you to all of you who posted such sweet comments on my last post. They mean more to me than you can know. I was really struggling to make sense of something I just won't be able to understand, and I am coming to realize that.

But, it re-inforced again the wonderful friends that I have made through this process, and just out of similarity in life circumstances (others who have adopted from ET, from our adoption agency, religion, etc). Many I have never met in real life, and some I have. But, regardless, they are special friendships to me.

One of these people is my friend Shonna. She and I took her two girls and my two girls to the zoo recently and the girls had so much fun. Not so much with the critters at the zoo, but by just being together. They are always so good together and don't ever fight-just a lot of giggling! :) Makenna loves spending time with them, and Kya tries hard to keep up with the big girls. Kya was in her stroller most of them time, so not as many of her, but she was definately there! :)And, they had a little ride park at the zoo, so they did that too and Kya went on her first ride. WOO HOO! WE had a blast spending the day with two such sweet little girls and their rockin' mom. Thanks Shonna, Birkie and Netsie for hanging with us at the zoo. :)

So, here are the photos that evidence our day together. The one I put above is one of my favorites from the day. I just happened to snap it while Birkie & Kenna were holding hands, and it was SO sweet. The rest of them will speak for themselves:

Confused

2008-06-06T00:43:00.004-05:00

A week ago today, my mom's dad died. Yes, technically that would be my grandfather, but he does not deserve that name. He was not a grandfather, especially not mine. I don't say that in a spirit of malice, but rather truth.

I have held this in for a week, trying to find some understanding of this situation, but I can not make sense of it, so I blog. This post may not make sense, but I feel like I have to get it out of me.

This man lived within a 1/2 mile of me my entire childhood, and I have only 2 memories of him during my 30 years of life on this planet. He only spoke to 3 of his 6 children, and inflicted more pain on all of them than anyone person should be allowed to do. Both physically, through ridiculously hard labor, and mentally or emotionally.

He told my mom that when he divorced her mother, that he divorced her as well and didn't care if he ever saw her again. How can you say that to your child? But even more, how can you hold onto that hate for the next 30+years? He did.

My mom called me when she found out and was hysterical, not because she was upset, but rather because she wasn't upset. She didn't feel the loss of her father, because she lost him so many years ago. The guilt of not feeling bad sent her to a place she wasn't prepared for. But, she will finally have the closure that she has needed for a long time. It was a total shock, but there were no tears to shed for this man.

I went into his house with my aunt the night he died for the first time in my life to be with her while she got clothes for his funeral. I had the chills the minute I stepped on the property, and I have rarely felt so uncomfortable anywhere. I looked around his home, trying to figure out what his life had been, and I saw nothing that could help me understand how he had spent the years. No pictures of vacations, special occasions, family pictures, or something to mark the important events in his life. There were very few pictures of the children (and grandchildren) that he did speak to, but they were old.

The funeral was earlier this week, and was the first time I had seen him since I was about 10-12. The last time I had seen him he had shot at my dad and I with a shotgun. It was a warning shot, thank god.

A day before the funeral all of my aunts and my uncle and a few of my cousins met at the farm he had lived on, that they had grown up on, to walk around. For some of them it had been 15-20 years, if not longer, since they had been there. To see them walk around, freely with no worry about the consequenses, was something I will never forget. They found evidence of their childhood scatter around the farm, and the memories came pouring out-good and bad.

Both my brother and I showed up with our cameras, unplanned. When I saw that he had his, I asked why he had brought it, and to my amazement his reason was exactly the same as mine. This place had caused so much pain for our mom, and so many bad memories were housed there, that we just wanted to find some beautiful shots that would give her new memories. Reminders of things that were special to her when she was young, reminders of how much her children love her, even if her father didn't. So, we each went our own ways and wandered around the farm, photographing what we were struck by. After it was all done, we compared pictures and had taken at least 10-15 of the exact same photographs, each done with just a slight adjusments from our perspectives. Weird, but cathartic for both of us. There is also an old house, where my mom's grandparents lived on the property, that we walked through. I will share some of my favorite shots at the end of the post(edit--I uploaded a few, but the storm keeps knocking my internet out, so I will get more up later).

I am struggling to reconsile the events of the past week. I am angry at this person for all the pain he has caused within my family over the past 30+ years, yet I am relieved that his presence will no longer be felt in our lives. I feel sorry for him, because he was a sick man. But, at the same time I detest the purposeful hatred that filled his life. But, mostly I am sad. He was never my grandfather, but I miss the one that I did have more than I can express. The pain of missing him has not diminished over the 4 years that he has been gone. I miss him more than I can speak to. He was MY grandfather, not just biologically, but on every level. He loved my mom(who was his daughter in law), he loved me and I know he would have loved my girls. Who could ask for more?

And, this also reinforced for me that biology means nothing. This man was biologically related to me obviously, but that meant nothing. He didn't know who I was, my name, or anything else about me. Yet, I am priviledged enough to get to parent two children who are in no way biologically related to me, and I would die for them. Blood may be thicker than water, but it is not thicker than love.

So, any ideas? Where do I go from here? How do you make sense of something that doesn't? Or, do you just let it go, knowing it's not worth the energy I've already put into it?

Weekend Bliss

2008-05-26T22:46:00.006-05:00

It's no secret that spring/summer has been a long time coming this year. It has been so cold and windy and Makenna asks nearly daily if it is summer yet. This past Saturday it was beautiful out and the kids were out playing in the yard. It started out fine, but soon I had two nudey-patooties in the yard. I guess that is one of the perks of living in the middle of nowhere! :)

Here are the results of a a beautiful almost summer day. I can't resist trying to capture these sweet moments with my two beautiful girls!

Look at this face, it is SO Makenna. You can see the mischief hidden behind those sparkling eyes!

Oh, and Makenna picked this flower for me from the woods, which is a trillium. Soooo, we had to have a little chat about not picking the state flower, but it was SO sweet when she brought it to me for my hair. Ahhhhhhh....the sweet things they do when they are trying to avoid going in to take a nap! :)

Dance Recital

2008-05-18T23:29:00.006-05:00

Makenna joined a dance class last October that is once a week. So, for the past 8 months every Tuesday night we do dance class for an hour. There were weeks that I know Makenna didn't do even half of the routine, even though she knew. So, the thought of a dance recital with two shows was terrifying to me.

Well, as usual, she proved me WRONG! Makenna had her dance recital this past Saturday, and did wonderful. She showed no hesitation to go out an perform, and actually seemed to do better in front of a crowd. Apparently all she need was a stage, some lights and some fans to do her best...little diva! And, all with no nap that day!

I am glad it is over until fall, and we will see if she wants to do it again. Here are some pics from the recital, and a few from class when they rehearsed in their outfits. Even a couple of the whole family. They aren't fabulous, but it's what we have. Kya has taken to not looking at the camera recently, so.....

Now, don't judge me when you see them. Normally, she doesn't get to wear make-up, but she did get lipgloss and a little eye shadow for the big event. She was really happy to "be pretty like mommy". How could I resist that right?

Makenna's First Concert

2008-05-09T22:31:00.005-05:00

This was Makenna's face when I told her where we were going...

Last week my friend Shonna and I took our girls (Makenna and her daughter Birtukan) to their first concert---drumroll please----ALICA KEYS! The girls (and the moms) loved it!

Now, you may be thinking we are crazy since the girls are 3 and 4, but they did so well. And, it was a long concert, almost 4 hours total. They both LOVE Alicia Keys, and we figured it would be a pretty tame and clean concert to bring kiddos to.

We met for dinner at a cool Irish pub, and then took the girls to Starbucks for coffee before the concert. I am sure people thought we were crazy, but they were going to be staying up late anyhow, so who cares right?

Jordin Sparks

Jordin Sparks opened the show, then Neyo, and then Alicia Keys. The girls both love the song No One by Alicia Keys, which was of course one of the last songs of the night, so I think both Shonna and I said it was coming soon about a thousand times that night. The girls know the other songs too, that's just one of their favorites!

Makenna got her groove on and truly let loose during Neyo. It was so funny to see, and I wish I could have captured it on video--it was true unadulturated joy in just shaking her booty!

And, the girls got along so well. They are so sweet together, and really are good friends to each other. I am so glad that we got to share this experience with them. It was a wonderful night and I would take them again in a heartbeat!

Here are a couple pics of Alicia Keys performing as well.

One

2008-05-03T22:40:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the absence again, but we had a laptop crash! I hadn't backed up my pics forever, and I was SO terrified that I would lose them. But, most were recovered-YEAH! I lost just about everything else though. So, I have been "unplugged" whether I wanted to be or not. :)

This past week Kya turned 1! I can't believe it and it still doesn't seem real. She has changed SO substantially in the time that she has been with us, that it blows me a way. To look back at our first 6 weeks or so together, you would never know she was the same kid. She was so scared, and confused, and greiving and just plain old miserable. It hurts so much to think of all that she has been through in her short year on this planet, to think of all that she had been through before she met us that she reacted that strongly to another change.

And, I didn't help. I was so taken aback by her reaction to us(me in particular), and so unprepared for it that I just struggled to make it through the day. I was clobbered by a case of Post Adoption Depression (similar to post-partum depression) that took me so by suprise. I knew that she had every right to go through all that she was, but the reality of living with it was very different. So, I couldn't give her all that she needed in that moment, and I am so sorry for that. It has taken us some time to really fall in love with each other, and I am so happy to say that we are finally there.

I have thought so much about her birth family and just wish there was someway that they would know she was okay. I wish they could see the amazing little girl she has grown into. It is something I struggle with each year as my girls have gotten older. It's bittersweet, because I love getting to see them grow and flourish, but my thoughts are never far from their birth families.

But, Kya has really grown into a sweet little girl. She is sensitive and loving, smart, curious, determined, obedient, and a great compliment to her big sister. I truly am humbled by the amount she has changed in our time together. I have no idea how she has been this resilient, but I am thankful she is.

She says Da-Da, Hi, Nenna (for Kenna), Nigh-Night (for sleep), Uh-Oh, and is starting to do some animal sounds. She knows how to say mommy, but won't do it unless she is hurt. She will actually shake her head no when you ask her to say mommy and then will turn and smile at me-little turkey! She is close to walking and is very much a toddler already. Can't wait to see where the next year takes us. :)

Oh, and she knows how to use the potty already! If we put her on the toilet and tell her to go potty she does!! It is crazy and I just discovered she could do it by accident. This gives me hope that maybe she will potty train early and there will be no diapers even sooner than I hoped! It is wonderful, but I don't expect it to stick around. She looks so hilarious sitting there though.

11 Years Together

2008-04-26T23:23:00.003-05:00

Today is our 11th wedding anniversary. 11 years??? Really??

Ron & I got married young(at least I was really young-ha ha hun!), and many people assumed that wouldn't work. I now agree that it may not work for everyone, but it has worked for us. And, for that I am so thankful. Ron is such an awesome person and I am so glad that we get to muddle through life together. He is caring, hardworking and an awesome partner. He is so supportive of my crazy work schedule and picks up our girls and cooks dinner most nights. He loves me unconditionally, which is more than I could have ever hoped for. And, I love how he plays with the girls when he doesn't think anyone is watching him. And, he LOVES my family and they love him (probably more than me most times!) too, which is important since we do so much together.

We have our ups and downs like everyone, but in the end we are still together. That alone is a good thing. It's not easy everyday, but the good days outweigh the bad because they are so good. The last year has been one of the most stressful that we have had, so I think that we both realized that we can handle more than we thought. But the key is to work together.

I hope that we celebrate another 50 years together! I love you baby!

P.S. And, I will still work toward my goal of getting him to dance before we die!

Chocolate

2008-04-15T01:07:00.006-05:00

Another one of my sweet M's vices...chocolate. Makenna is not a sweets kid normally, but her chocolate-loving (read obsessed--which he denies of course :)) Dad is brain-washing her. A few seconds after this, the wrapper was off and the two of them were in heaven!

We're Baaack!

2008-04-14T23:53:00.009-05:00

It seems like forever since I have actually had time, or the energy to post. The flu really took it's toll on us for a good 10-12 days. The girls were just miserable and it wasn't pretty. That combined with me working CRAZY hours at work, and both of the girls having medical appointments at the U of M lead us to needing a break!

So, we headed to the Waterpark of America on Friday and spent the entire weekend there, just the four of us. It was so much fun to see the girls having fun, especially Kenna. She LOVED being there and was so happy to spend all of her time in the little kiddie park. Kya was just happy to be with us. She's a people girl--it's all about who she is with, not what she's doing.

It was great for the girls to have the one on one time with each of us, and is helping Kya learn to trust that we are the ones who will always care for her. She is struggling to understand that we are not just another set of caregivers in a series of many in her short life. The hours that I am working at work aren't helping there either, because some days I barely see her if at all. So, we needed the reconnect time.
It was hard to get pics, because we were busy playing, but here are a few from the weekend. Some from the waterpark (check out the intensity of Makenna on the slide--too cute!) and some around the hotel. Man, I have beautiful kiddos--wish I could take the credit for that! :)

Influenza

2008-03-28T20:06:00.006-06:00

That's right, it got us. Both of the girls have Influenza. UGH!!! It's been a rough week around here for everyone. Poor Kya has been sick since Sunday and Makenna since Tuesday. They are so pathetic and lifeless, that it scares me to see them this sick. I am SO NOT used to low energy children. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind it occasionally, but not this way. ;)

We had plans to go away for the weekend, which we waited to cancel until the last minute. We kept holding out hope that a miracle would happen, but finally gave in to the inevitable. Since we have been home I braided Makenna's hair. Most of our family is out of town this weekend too, so she is quite disappointed that she has no one to show it to. She really is a little diva! :) Here are the results of our efforts. She loves it, so that's all that matters to me. I love to see her hair cornrowed, but it makes her look so old.

She always has me take pictures of her hair so she can see the back and we head to the mirror so that she can see what I have done to her. I did her hair in two sessions, so this is after only the front was done. I don't know why, but I love these pics of her so I added them too.

And, poor Kya was just feeling so awful that I didn't even bother to try anything on her little head. She was so clingy and whiney, that you just knew that she was feeling terrible. The only upside is that she is really snuggly when she doesn't feel well, so we have gotten tons of snuggles. She was not about to be left out of the photo op, so here are some random pics of her too.

3 Years & 6 Months--I'm losing my babies!

2008-03-20T22:06:00.007-06:00

On March 7th, it was our third anniversary from the first time that we met Makenna in Ethiopia. I have been trying to avoid this post, because I get so emotional about all of it. I can not believe how fast the time has gone. How is it possible that our first baby is 3 years old already, or that our baby baby is almost 1?!?!?

I kept the clothes that Makenna was wearing the first time we met her ( just so you don't think I stole from an orphanage, I will add that I traded them for a different outfit :)) and we have tried them on her each year on her anniversary. They were HUGE on her when we met her(think 8lb newborn baby size), and fit her pretty well at year 1 and 2. But, at year three we are maxing out. It was a 6-9 month onsie, a 2T turtleneck, and a 12 months shorts jumper thing. Here are pics for the very first seconds that we met her in Ethiopia. She smiled as soon as she saw us--talk about melt your heart!

And, this is her now.....

So, we let her pick the food she wanted that night (Chinese-she loves it)

and we watched the video of the first time we met her.

She loved it, and has really gotten into hearing her story. But, at the end of the night she got a little emotional, and couldn't really tell us why. We talked about it, and I think it's just that she is really starting to process the emotions and figuring out that she is adopted and what that means. She said that she was "sad for Ethiopia, and sad cause I no live there". After asking more questions, what she really met was that she wanted to go visit and see Ethiopia because we have been talking about going back in a year or two. It broke my heart to see her so confused, but I totally understand why it's confusing. She needed some cuddling, and then was her sweet self again. I am sure that we will see more of this as time goes on.

AND on March 9th, is was 6 months home for Kya.....

Again, time flies! She has come so far since she has gotten home, which we are SO thankful for. She is such a sweet, but very determined little thing. It was (and still can be) very hard to see her have such turmoil when she came home. She truly hated all of the changes we were making us go through, and made sure that we knew it. She still struggles on some attachment issues, but we are hopeful that with some determined attachment parenting and more time, that she will learn to fully trust and rely on us.She has such an old soul for her her age. When you look in her eyes you see so much more. It makes me ache to know what she went through and experienced before she came into our world. And, makes me cringe when I think of how hard she had it at first when she came home, and how out of it I was. I wish that I could have been there more for her right away, but thank goodness Ron was. Anyhow,she is cruising around on furniture and will be walking soon, and is starting to copy sounds and words. She is very intuitive and sensitive. It takes so little to correct her, and she can be reduced to tears if I speak to her too harshly. I pray that it stays that easy into her teenage years too! ;)

With both of the girls, I just wish that they wouldn't have had to go through the pain and losses that they have gone through and will go through, in order to be our children. I hate seeing pain on their little faces, and I dread the tough years coming. I still remember the first time I looked at Makenna and realized that my life as I knew it was over. When I saw her smile at me, I realized that my heart was now on the outside of my body as well. I had no idea how much I would fall in love with my children. I am so thankful that I get the priviledge of being their mom and just hope that they grow up knowing how much they are loved.

Slacka

2008-03-06T22:20:00.007-06:00

Sorry for slacking again. I have no idea where the time goes. Everyone has been a little under the weather around here, so it's been a long week. Here are some random pics that I took of the girls this past Sunday. The girls were just hanging out after we got home and were so darn cute that I couldn't resist snapping some shots.

New Picture--finally

2008-02-24T23:41:00.002-06:00

Well, as you may have noticed we have a new picture on our page! I have been trying to get a picture of the two of them that actually reflects our blog name, our girlS(emphasis on more than one) for some time now. For whatever reason, they will NOT cooperate with my photographic efforts, so for now this one will have to do.

Hopefully soon I can get a picture of the two of them where they at least both looking the same way. Hey, a girl can dream right?!?! :)

Bunna lover!

2008-02-20T00:07:00.004-06:00

We have a little girl with serious love for coffee---particularly Ethiopian coffee (bunna in Amharic). Makenna has always asked for coffee whenever we have had it since she was little. At first we resisted for obvious reasons (really who needs a toddler hopped up on caffeine??) but would occasionally give her a sip or two. As time has passed, she is no longer happy with a sip or two, but really loves to have it. We ate at an Ethiopian restaurant a week ago and she drank almost an entire cup of coffee throughout the course of dinner. Everytime she had a chance (when I wasn't paying attention) she was sipping out of my cup hoping that I wouldn't notice. Of course I did when my cup was nearly empty! The craziest part is that this was at 8:30 p.m. at night! But, she fell asleep as soon as we got in the car (around 10 p.m.) and slept with no problems. Wow, dodged a bullet there right?!? :)

(playing with an empty cup that she would not throw away because we had gotten coffee at an Ethiopian cultural event and she could still smell the coffee in the cup-took me 2 days to get this away from her-crazy girl!)

She also seems to notice the difference in the type of coffee. Ethiopian coffee is usually brewed pretty strong and has a smooth distinct taste. When we have had other types of coffee she will ask if it is bunna, like she knows that it isn't the same. Weird! Who knew a 3 yr old could be a coffee snob? She even asks for bunna candy. There are coffee flavored Werthers (which are great by the way) and she would choose them hands down over any other candy. Cracks me up when she talks to me with her little baby coffee breath.

Oh, and we aren't completey irresponsible about the effects eithe. We have done some research on the amount of caffeine in coffee and it's affects. It seems to be a pretty common thread with a lot of families who have adopted from Ethiopia, especially older kids, because coffee is regularly given to kids. As far as we can tell, no stunting of growth here(which is NOT true), she's still a tall drink of coffee! :)

Do people really not recognize the continent of Africa?

2008-02-19T23:30:00.003-06:00

Okay, warning, this may turn into a mini-rant. You have been given fair warning! :)

I recently purchased this awesome necklace from a lady who is selling them to help raise money for her daughter and son-in laws adoption from Ethiopia on this Etsy sight. I LOVE mine and think the idea is awesome. And, obviously we have a deep connection to the continent and it holds a special place in our hearts, so I am proud to be reminded of that daily.

However, I have had more people than I care to admit ask me what it is. And several people have even asked me if it is Wisconsin! What???? Why would I wear a necklace of Wisconsin? I mean its not something that I am THAT proud of, and anyone who knows me, knows that I would move in a heartbeat to anywhere other than WI. And, besides, it's CLEARLY not WI anyhow.

I am shocked that people don't recognize an entire continent. Really? Is it possible that there are that many narrow minded people still in this world? Or is it because it is Africa? Is it not worth caring about? Or acknowledging? Or, is this just a sign of how selfish we truly are as Americans? Regardless of the reason, I am bothered by it....a lot!

On a positive note, my girls both LOVE this necklace as well. Makenna noticed it the first time I put it on and told me how pretty it is. So, I showed her where Ethiopia is and what the necklace was. She was smiling the whole time I told her that Ethiopia was so special to me that I wanted to remember it every day. And, Kya plays with it everytime she is near me. So, I am thinking of getting them a similiar version of this necklace and see if I can get their names engraved on them and save them for them until they get just a little older. Something special that they can have the same as mommy you know! :)

Tagged!

2008-02-06T22:21:00.000-06:00

I have been blog tagged by Heather to do "The 8". It took me a while to come up with some of these answers. Not sure if I am just so tired that I can't think, or if my brain is going soft. So anyway, here goes:

The 8

8 Things I'm Passionate About:
-My family
-God
-Ethiopia
-Photography
-Travel(though I don't get to go as much as I would like anymore ;) )
-Laughing
-Learning about different cultures
-Spending time with people I really enjoy being with
-Children

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
-Go back to Ethiopia
-Get in shape
-Live abroad, preferrably in Africa
-See my children grow up and be happy
-Celebrate my 50th anniversary
-Go to Thailand- I have a friend there I would love to see!
-Adopt another child (at least one!)
-Fly an airplane

8 Things I Say Often:
-Kya, Uh, Uh, Uh (our way of saying no!)
-Makenna leave your sister alone
-Brown eyes to blue eyes(when I want Makenna to look at me, it's our little code)
-Shut up?? (in a suprised way when I hear something I didn't know about, although I can't say it in front of Makenna or I will be corrected)
-I am SO late!
-Seriously?!?
-I have a headache.
-What am I going to wear to work? I have nothing to wear.

8 TV Shows I've Recently Watched:
-Music Videos in the morning to wake-up
-Project Runway
-An Adoption Story
-Don't Forget the Lyrics
-Hi-5(kids show)
-Little House on the Prairie
-Dora
-What Not to Wear

8 Songs I Could Listen To Over and Over (in no particular order):
-No One (Alicia Keys)
-Killing Me Softly With His Song(The Fugees)
-Be With You (Mr. Big)
-Mama I'm Comin' Home (OO)
-I Am Not My Hair(India Arie)
-Buffalo Soldier (Bob Marley)
-My Idea of Heaven (Leigh Nash)
-The Story (Brandi Carslile)

8 Things That Attract Me To My Friends:
-Funny
-Honest
-Outgoing
-Easy to laugh with
-Comfortable
-Open minded
-Generous
-Caring

8 Things I've Learned (or been reminded of) This Past Year:
-My girls are my life and I love them more each day
-I DO need to ask other people for help
-I DO have the best family in the whole world
-My husband is a really great dad
-I really miss Ethiopia and wish we could go there more often
-I have met some of the most amazing friends through this journey that I would never have met if we hadn't adopted. I have also realized that our true friends will always be there when we need them.
-I have the most awesome group of friends

8 People I Think Should Do "8":
-Edie
-Jessica
-Rebekah
-Laura
-Shonna
-Mel
-Kerry
-Stacey

9 months old

2008-01-29T22:36:00.000-06:00

Kya turned 9 months old this week. I can't believe how fast the last couple of months have gone since I have gone back to work, and it seems like Ky can do something new every week.

She is officially crawling when she feels like it. She still will do this weird scooting/dragging her body with just her arms thing when she gets in a hurry. She has been doing this for over 2 months and we finally figured out that she does it because it is easier than crawling. We have all wood and tile floors on the main level of our house, and it is much easier for her to "slide" around on the floor, than to get up and crawl. Crazy kid! :) But, now she is already trying to get up on her knees and pull up on everything she can find. Oh, and sometimes she does a little showing off too and adds a little extra kick to the crawl.

She has grown a little again, but is still a short little thing. She also now weighs 22+lbs! She has doubled her weight in about 4 months! She is a solid little brick. She also is strong, ridiculously strong and often tries to out muscle her big sister (who only weighs 33 lbs). It is hilarious to watch...for now at least! But, she is also very tolerant of her sister and enjoys just about anything Makenna dreams up to do to her. Including lay on her and pulling her around by her feet(under supervision of mom and dad), which sounds dangerous, but Kya LOVES it. See the evidence below! :)

And, she says Da Da ALL of the time! When Daddy walks in the room she is babbling instantly. We have also been doing sign language with her and she consistently signs for her bottle, and is starting to do food, more and all done. So, we are making progress on the communication front as well, which is SO important for her. She gets frustrated very easily, so I think this will be key.

She has changed so much already from when we got home. It's amazing how resilient kids are. She is funny, determined, loud, a snuggle bug when she is tired and is still a major Daddy's girl(that part hasn't changed :)). She is a joy to have around (most of the time-ha ha!) and I love watching the girls together. It is amazing to see their love. It is so sweet, pure and undeniable. It's what helps us get through the days when they forget that they really do love each other! :) I really can't imagine our life without her. I remember what it was like, but I can't imagine going back to that life. We have blessed in a way I barely understand.

SOOOO big!

2008-01-29T22:07:00.000-06:00

That is Kya's latest trick and she is SO proud of herself when she does it. It is always followed up with applause and a lot of cheering by her big sister(and mom and dad of course), so I'm sure it's a trick that will be around for awhile since she worships the ground her sister walks on. Makenna swears that "she taught Kya how to do it just like me". Seems like the proof is undeniable after all. :)

Kya will bust out her trick whenever she thinks it will distract us from correcting her, or any time she is into something she isn't supposed to be. It was funny at first, but now Makenna thinks it will work for her too, so we have our work cut out for us! :)

Art---3 yr old style

2008-01-21T00:52:00.000-06:00

Sorry to go missing in action again for so long. Life is kicking our butts again around here, but hopefully soon things will get back to "normal".

Clearly you can see that we are SO busy working on important things like playing with PLAYDOH! This is one of Makenna's new favorite things to do. She made a nest and eggs (and did an awesome job I might say) and commissioned me to make her "a momma birdie" for the nest. This is our collaboration. Pretty cute huh? Clearly you can tell I was never an art scholar!

Heaven

2008-01-21T00:41:00.000-06:00

Kya's first 'do

2008-01-03T22:05:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally decided to do Kya's hair. Her hair is so soft and fine that it doesn't really NEED to be done, I just wanted to try. And, Makenna has been asking me to do it as well. Besides, what else is there to do on New Years Day right?

Let's just say it didn't go well. She didn't mind that I was messing with her hair, but she HATED that I would hold her head still and that she couldn't follow her sister around the room. There were tears immediately, which would stop when Makenna did. So, needless to say I recruited Makenna and worked quickly! :) Even Makenna got in on the action after I got them in. She LOVES doing hair and pretended to braid them for Kya after I got the little pony tails in. Someday she will be a great helper during hair time!

It's not great, but we got it done! The parts are horrible, but her hair is so many different lengths that it's all we could do. She looks so different with her little pony tails in, but I don't think they will last long, because she has such slippery hair. She just looked so cute (and so much older-yikes!) that I couldn't resist!

So, here are the pics--the good, the bad, and the ugly. And, as bad as it looks no children were harmed in this hair doing time! :)

We're Official!

2008-01-03T21:26:00.000-06:00

We finalized Kya's adoption last week at our local courthouse. So, she's officially our daughter on paper and will have a WI birth certificate. So, now we just have to get her Certificate of Citizenship and a Passport and we will be done with the paperwork involved with her adoption. How wild is that? I won't know what to do without having more paperwork to do, maybe we'll have to think about starting the process again! :)

The camera battery died at the courthouse, so we only have 1 pic (and it isn't good, but I am sharing anyway--Ron and I look TERRIBLE!) for now, until we get some from family.

I can't believe that even happened, it is SO not like me to not have a working camera. A bunch of our family was there to celebrate with us. We love them very much and were so glad that they were there too. The judge was awesome and took pics with us and held Kya and kept telling us that it's the best part of his job when he gets to do adoption hearings. The rest of the time he said it's divorces, custody hearings, etc. So, it was nice to have something good too in his courtroom. It was pretty sweet. He even let Makenna go take the stand after it was all done and pretend to answer questions like Ron and I had done.

When we got home we were hanging out and Kya was playing with the scarf I had worn to court while I was changing her. Makenna had done the same thing on her court date, and I couldn't believe Kya did too. So I grabbed a camera and started snapping away. Anyhow, there is a picture that I took that is so similar of the two of them. What do you think are they sisters or what?

Tooth Count=2, and a new 'do

2007-12-20T22:57:00.000-06:00

Miss Kya is up to 2 teeth now, both on the bottom! And, she wants to use them!! Oh, and please excuse the runny nose in the pics. We can't seem to stop that while she's teething. Yummy!

And, we did Miss Makenna's hair this week in 2 strand twists for the first time ever. They don't stay as well as I would like in her hair, so I have always just braided or cornrowed her hair. But, they take so much less time to put in and to take out. So, we tried them again, and I love the way they look on her. I definitely need to practice them a little more to get them to look just right, but it was a rough draft right??? She still has areas of hair that aren't as thick, so those twists were smaller, but for the most part they are juicy, big twists. She LOVES them! She calls them "her little ropes" and had a huge smile when we got done. Too cute!

Then & Now--The Difference of a Year

2007-12-13T22:38:00.000-06:00

I recently came across these pictures of Makenna in her winter coat last January. I loved this coat, and put it on her even though it was probably a little too big at the time. :)

So, I took pics of her this past Sunday just to compare how much she has changed in less than a year. She looks so little in the pictures from last winter compared to the big girl she is now. And, she has free hair (which happens pretty rarely) in both pics, so you can really see how much more hair she has now too.

I feel like she is going to be a teenager before I know it. Sigh!!!!!

Kya's first tooth!

2007-12-13T22:19:00.000-06:00

Kya has been SO crabby the last week or so(though you wouldn't know it by these pics-trust me it was a moment in time), and finally the reason(well one of them at least--mommy going back to work has been an issue too) became glaringly apparent. A litle white tooth popped through today, and will be followed by another within the next couple of days. Wow! We have teeth!

Here are pics of our sweet girl. Can't see the teeth yet, but she is still cute!

SNOW!

2007-12-08T23:38:00.000-06:00

Wanna B-B-Q???

So this post is for Heather who says that she would like to see some snow. Well, seeing how it's like 70 degrees (boo hoo for you!) where she lives, I guess I will be happy to oblige her since it was -15 degrees here today.

It's snowed a couple of time now, so we have a pretty good amount of snow already. Makenna is really into it this year, so we have gone out to play a couple of times. So, here are some pictures of snow just for you Heather! Oh, and it is daylight here sometimes, which you would not know by most these pictures. Just so happens we usually go out when Dad gets home to help with Miss Kya! :)

Kenna while she's getting dressed-not sure if she is ever gonna make it outside.....

Finally getting to go out......

Snow angel......

And this was the face I got after I asked "Makenna are you eating snow?" With her answer of "Nuhh-uhh, I not eating anysing Mom!". Yeah right!

3!

2007-12-08T22:49:00.000-06:00

Guess who is 3?

Is it possible that she really was once this serious little baby?

When she looks like this all of the time now?

I can't believe that she really is three, but sure enough the date on the calendar says it all. I am so overwhelmed by all that we have been given and blessed with by with our children. Makenna is a force to be reckoned with. Her joy is infectious, and pure. The smile on her face radiates the beautiful little soul she is inside. She truly is a joy and the perfect kiddo for our family. I love the independent, fiesty spirit that she is. I love to watch music take over her whole body, as she can't stop herself from dancing. I LOVE to look into her sparkling brown eyes as she calls me Mom. I LOVE her.

But, my gratefulness always brings me back to one place....her Ethiopian birthfamily. I wish with all my heart that they could see her, know her, know that she is okay, know that she is loved, know that there are two parents who can't even consider life without her, and a whole family who is in love with her as well. I wish that they would have never had to experience the pain and heartache that ultimately allowed us to create our family. I wish so much for them, and they are never far from my mind. So today as our daughter turns 3, I think of them.

Where Did The Time Go?

2007-12-04T16:34:00.000-06:00

I have no idea where the last 3 months have gone. Tomorrow is my first day back at work. I can't beleive it came so soon. I am not sure that I am ready to go back, but at this point I will be.

I feel like we finally got things figured out and now it's time to undo it all. Makenna finally got used to me being home everyday. I finally got used to being home everyday...with 2 kids. And Kya seems to really be coming around. But, I know they will be in good hands, so that makes it a little easier...a little. I just know that I am really going to miss my girls and I am hoping that they miss me too.

What Kind of Pie Are You

2007-11-30T17:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, I saw this on Erin's blog and thought that I would give it a try. Turns out is pretty accurate--YIKES!

You Are Lemon Meringue Pie

You're the perfect combo of sassy and sweet.You always know how to brighten someone's mood, but you're not overly sappy.In fact, you can be a bit too honest at times. And most people find that refreshing.While you're always true to yourself, you keep things light. That's how people are able to stomach your slightly bitter outlook.
Those who like you have well refined tastes.You're complicated - and let's face it - a true enigma. You enjoy defying expectations, and there are many layers to your personality.There's not one easy way to define you.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofpieareyouquiz/">What Kind of Pie Are You?

And here are Ron's results--apparently he's a little more devious than most realize. I however knew this. :)

You Are Cherry Pie

You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy.
At times, you seem a bit naive, simple, and innocent.
But at second glance, you are sensual, seductive, and even a little naughty.
You have people fooled - at least you'd like to think so.

Those who like you enjoy a contradiction.
Either that, or they can't really make up their minds about what they want.
And you can usually give people what they want... as long as you're in the mood.
You've been known to be quite tempestuous, and pleasing others is not high on your list of priorities.

What Kind of Pie Are You?

You've come a long way baby!

2007-11-21T18:18:00.000-06:00

Okay, sorry to go missing in action again. It's just been a little busy. I have been meaning to do an update on our being home 2 months, and am finally getting around to it.

Although it was a rough transition, we are finally getting to a place that seems "normal". We finally aren't contagious with anything and can leave the house. We finally have a routine during the daytime that doesn't involve doctor visits, medications, and a lot of laundry. We finally have TWO smiling, happy girls that are so much fun and love each other immensely.

I didn't realize how far we had really come until I looked at a picture of Kya from the day that we got home and realized how sad, empty and confused she looked. It had to have been so hard on her. To see her now, she doesn't even look like the same kid. My heart breaks for all that she had to go through to get to our family. I am forever indebted to the people who made a sacrifice that I never even want to contemplate. She has only been in our lives for a few months, and yet I can't imagine what life would be like without her. We wouldn't be complete anymore.

When we came home she could roll over, but didn't do it often. Now, she not only rolls over on to her stomach immediately when she is put down, but she scoots all over the floor backwards, and is up on all fours rocking! She is going to be crawling in no time--YIKES!! She sits on her own and is bearing weight on her legs more and more, which she also didn't do much when she came home. Add to that her now almost 8 lb weight gain, and several inches of growth.

But, the best part of all is how far she has come on an attachment level. She wanted nothing to do with us (mainly me) initially, and spent more time screaming at us than smiling. Now, it is the exact opposite. She is smiley, sweet little girl who has come a long way. And, I love to see her smile at me now, instead of screaming. I love to see her trust in us grow everyday, and I pray that it continues. It is amazing how far she has come.

And, it is crazy how far we have come as well. Love doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen. And, that is one of the most amazing parts of adoption as well.

First day home
Two months home
Sisters!!! :)

And, she still likes to eat...ALOT! That's right, not just 1 spoon, we need 2! :)

So, where did you steal them from?

2007-11-05T22:02:00.000-06:00

That is an actual question that my friend S and I were asked on Friday when we were out with our kids for lunch. We were both so annoyed that neither one of us wanted to answer and just tried to ignore this rude waitress hoping that she would get the hint. She didn't. She asked again and S answered " back on the street corner". She just kind of looked at us not knowing what to say. But, instead of letting it go, she had to keep asking. Get a clue!

I mean really? You really think is okay to say that to someone even if you think you're trying to be funny? You don't see the sweet little faces looking at you as you ask this ridiculous question?
Just goes to show that we still have a long way to go in changing people's perceptions about international adoption. And, as adoptive parents sometimes we feel obligated to try to educate people about the process and answer their invasive questions to some extent. But, there are many more times where people are just being rude, and we just want to have lunch. We just want to eat lunch with our kids just like any other family without being singled out as the different. I pray everyday for the time when that will be our reality!

First Bike Ride

2007-10-28T00:47:00.000-05:00

We have had a couple of really beautiful fall days, not many, but a few. So, Ron took the girls out for a bike ride last week, and HE took these photos to capture the event. This was Kya's first time, and as you can see, she LOVED it! I mean what isn't to love, she has her Daddy, her big sister, and she is outside, all three things she loves!

Makenna has been practicing riding her bike too so that she "can ride with Daddy on the busy road" soon. We'll see about that. ;)

Kya Papaya

2007-10-28T00:20:00.000-05:00

Makenna sits with me a lot when I am at my laptop and likes to visit blogs with me. She loves Maia Papaya and her momma's blog. She really loves when they do the photo and music montages, and remembers them FOREVER! So, she has taken to calling her sister Kya Papaya, and it is kind of sticking. So, I hope Maia and her momma don't mind too much! ;)

We have been lacking in pictures of Kya lately, so I thought I would do some that were entirely her. You can see how much she is growing. She has been gaining almost a pound a week average since we've gotten home. And, she is such a sweet little girl now that she is feeling better. She is still SERIOUS about her food, but happy and smiley as long as you keep her fed. She fits in perfectly! So, here is Miss Kya Papaya in all her glory. Oh, on the last couple that is Makenna "helping" lotion up Kya's face all by herself. I was a little suprised, but it was so funny that I had to take a couple of pics before I rescued Kya from her big sis.

Apple Orchard & Cupcakes

2007-10-12T10:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so they don't normally go together. But, they are two of the things that I have done with Makenna recently so that we get some special time together. We had a blast making cupcakes together, and it made me wonder why we had never done it before. She has done it with Gramma though, and knew what we needed to do. She helped crack eggs, put the paper liners in the pan, and hold the mixer. Somehow, she has gotten really big overnight. :(

Dance-Barn Dance that is!

2007-10-12T00:57:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we were invited to a barn dance at our friends house, which turned out to be a little baby shower for us too. It was so much fun! It was 85 degrees that day, which is insane for early October, but it was beautiful out. A lot of people dressed the cowboy/cowgirl part, especially the kids and had a great time. Somehow I was with Makenna most of the time, and didn't get any picture of Kya(who was with Ron) in her cowgirl outfit, so those pics will be coming. What a bad mom huh?

Makenna had a blast, and danced for at least 3 hours straight. She didn't want to leave until the band played the last song, but finally at 10:30 p.m. we took her home. She wasn't happy that she had to leave, but she knew that she was getting tired too, so didn't fight us as much as I expected. That girl is serious about her dancing, and gets in a zone while she is. You just don't mess with her then. Guess she takes after her mom, because I have never heard a beat that I could ignore. If only I had her moves?????? :)

The Band

My little cowgirl

Isn't she beautiful?

My little cowgirl and her friends

Party time!

Bunny hop anyone????

Just too amazing to pass up. What barn dance is complete without a windmill and a gorgeous sunset?

Playdate

2007-10-12T00:13:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to post these for a couple of weeks, but alas, time escapes me. We had a wonderful playdate with our awesome friends a couple of weeks ago. We had so much fun having them here. The girls are also from Ethiopia, and have only been home under two months. They are gorgeous and sweet, and have the best smiles. I am so thankful that we have such awesome people in our life.

The girls (and Logan-thanks for being such a good sport) played outside, and then put on Ethiopian dresses and danced to Ethiopian music and just ran around together. It was truly adoreable. Shonna, if you are reading this, we want to come see you guys again soon!

Sleepy Time

2007-10-02T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so sleep things are getting a little better around here. Kya was up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours all night long when we first got home, and gradually has slept more and more at night as she has acclimated to being here. Now, she is mostly sleeping through the night. However, now the nap thing isn't going so great. She will not sleep more than an hour at a time--even though she NEEDS to! But, we are hoping that will come around too. WE are open to suggestions if anyone has any fool proof nap tricks. So far we have tried dark room, music and background noise. Nothing has seemed to make a difference.

So, here are some picks of Kya sleeping (ahhhh!) and of the girls in their PJs together.

Four Generations of Love

2007-09-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

On Sunday we took pictures with my grandma, which included 4 generations of our family. It was so special, and I am so blessed to have such a great family. My grandma has amazed me with the fullness of her love towards my girls. She fell in love with Makenna and lights up when they are together, and I was worried that she would have a harder time falling in love with Kya. But, as always, her love just shines through. She adores Kya too.

I so wish that my girls could have met my grandpa. I think about that so often and wonder what he would have said. I know that he would have been a skeptic at first, but I also know that he would have melted with their love and from seeing me so happy. We met Makenna in Ethiopia 1 year after he died. It was his death that really made me wonder what we were doing, or what we were waiting for. I just wish that we could have realized that sooner. He was so very important to me, and I would have loved to see him with my girls.

Here are some pics from that day. I took a bunch of my nieces and Makenna. Makenna loves her cousins and does a pretty good job trying to keep up with them. And I took some of my adorable, VERY blue-eyed nephew. Enjoy!

Change, Change, Change

2007-09-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

So, I have been a litle absent in my blogging efforts lately, but we have been trying to get through all of the changes that we have been faced with the last few weeks. It has been a BIG adjustment not only for Kya, but also for us.

This time is much different, so we are re-learning how to face some of the issues that Kya has with learning to trust us. We are her 4th set of caregivers, so she justifiably has some concerns that we aren't here for the long haul. And, she has had a difficult adjustment into our life, timezone, etc. She is faced with a world completely different, in fact the opposite, of everything that she has known. But, she is getting better everyday--which is AWESOME to see. And, as she gets better so do we. :)

Here are a few pics of her from this week. Some are her first attempts at eating squash too. She warmed up to it after a few tries. That girl LOVES her food, so we weren't too worried. Last week when we took her to the Dr., she had gained exactly 1 lb in a week! She weighs almost 15 lbs! WOW!!!! More pics to follow!

(RED) Love

2007-09-14T23:29:00.001-05:00

We couldn't resist takins some pictures of the girls in their matching (RED) shirts. They looked so cute together. I couldn't decide which ones to share so there are quite a few. It is precious seeing them together. It's amazing how quickly kids know that they can trust another kid--far more quickly than adults do.

Sisters

2007-09-14T22:44:00.001-05:00

Well, Makenna is in love! And, Kya isn't far behind. Here are some pics from their first day together. The first thing out of Makenna's mouth when we went to get her out of bed was "where my baby sister at mom? I need to see her!". And, before we knew it, she had climbed in the crib with her.

Introducing Kya Abaynesh

2007-09-14T22:18:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pics that we took in Ethiopia, including her first bath. She has changed so much it is amazing. She has the BIGGEST brown eyes I have ever seen. She is all eyes---with a little gleam in them!

I will get a few more of her and her big sis up too!

We're HOME---almost!

2007-09-09T10:16:00.000-05:00

Okay, so we are in the USA anyhow. We are sitting in DC trying to kill the 6 hour layover that we have from our flight from Ethiopia to MSP. Which, isn't too hard to do with a baby in tow! :)

We obviously had a hard time getting to an internet connection while we were gone, so sorry for the lack of updates. It just never worked out for us to get on and get a good e-mail sent. But, we had a fabulous time and now have a new sweet little girl coming home with us.

Kya Abaynesh is a really good little girl. She has a pretty good disposition and really is attaching to us well. She was definitly letting us know when she needed something this week when we were with her.

She is so different from Makenna in every way that I feel like this is the first time we are doing this again. It's strange! Anyhow, we are all getting to know each other, and can't wait for Makenna to meet her. I miss her SO much!

More to come soon!

We MADE IT!!!

2007-09-04T08:23:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, we just wanted to say that we made it! We are in ETHIOPIA!
YEAH!! :) We met our travel mates Beth & Matt in DC and have been together
ever since. We stayed at the Addis Ababa Bed & Breakfast last night and have
an awesome time--fabulous hosts! And, today we did a day trip through the
countryside and to the Blue Nile Gorge, which was beautiful. The drive
through the countryside gives you such a different picture of life in
Ethiopia and we got to see so many of it's beautiful people. Pics to follow
when we get home.
But, the best part is that we meet Abaynesh tomorrow! We already received
updated pictures and info on her when we arrived at the guesthouse tonight.
She looks fabulous.
We miss all of you and will talk to you soon!
Love Ron and Kari

I'm Gonna Miss This Face

2007-08-29T00:20:00.000-05:00

Today after we did hair. I'm gonna miss you baby! But, I'm bringing you back the best present I can think of ........your baby sister.

Well, we leave for the airport in the morning. It's ET or bust!

Last Pic as a Family of 3

2007-08-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

So, we took a couple of family pictures a family of three. It's funny we never had a family picture taken of just the three of us professionally. That's terrible! We definately need to get a new family picture taken soon!

Blessed in ways we would have never guessed

2007-08-27T22:33:00.000-05:00

I have come to realize in the last few days how truly blessed we are, especially because of adopting our girls. I take for granted the incredible families that we have, until I hear stories of families who disown or no longer speak to family members because of their decision to adopt (especially transracially). I can't imagine how that feels because we have been so fully supported by our families that we couldn't ask for more. It's a blessing I don't realize, because it's always there. It's a blessing we are so thankful for and don't ever want to take for granted.

But, the most incredible blessing is the people we've met. Because of the road that we have chosed to travel, we have been introduced and have come to meet people I know we would not have otherwise met. And, each one of those people are part of who we are now, and the journey that we have taken to become a family. I think of how different our lives would be without the friendships and commonality and I don't want to imagine that life. Here's an example of what I mean: We went to dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant in the cities that we go to 6 or 7 times a year. The same young Ethiopian woman is usually working and has become a familiar acquaintance to us. She has watched Makenna grow up and has always been incredibly sweet to us. When she found out that we were travelling this week, she instantly offered to give us her parents ph # in ET so that we could call them if we needed anything. She said they would take us around, pick us up from the airport, help us, etc if we just called them. It was an incredibly kind offer, and we were taken aback. This young woman was willing to put this offer on the table, not because of us, but because of Makenna and Abaynesh. They are Ethiopian, so they are family to her. She never flinched. Incredible

Another standout experience for us is having been welcomed into a family of Ethiopian and Eritrean people wholeheartedly. We met them last summer just briefly, and then earlier this summer. We invited them to our house for dinner, and 15 family members drove 1 1/2 hours to our house to come and spend time with us. We were blown away! At one point I walked into my living room, full of beautiful people, and heard 3 different languages being spoken. And, it was funny, because it didn't seem strange to me--I felt so happy and really peaceful. This family has a lot in common with us, so we truly are like family. They adore Makenna and can't wait to meet Abaynesh. They want to have us over when we all get home. Would we have met and become the friends we are now? Maybe, but I doubt it.

It is strange to have gained so much, when already adoption is a selfish act. We just wanted to be parents, and knew that there were kids who needed to be loved. Why have we been blessed by so many? How did we get so lucky? I just hope that I can give back to my kiddos in a way similar to the ways that we have been blessed. I want them to grow with an appreciation for the people who love them unconditionally, and for the people who want them to have pride and knowledge of who they are and where they come from. And, I can't wait to continue watching those two worlds mold into one! It's already happening in our family.

Only 3 more days

2007-08-27T00:15:00.000-05:00

Wow, time is flying by! We will be on the plane in just 3 more days. I am so excited, but as it is getting closer, I am very nervous about leaving Makenna. I am going to miss her so much while we are gone--just thinking about it makes me feel like I can't breathe.

It's a funny feeling to have your kids on seperate continents. I feel torn between being excited and wanting to go and see and meet Abaynesh, and feeling really anxious and sad about leaving Makenna. It's like a part of my heart is with each of them. Crazy!

We set up the crib today and put all the baby clothes in the dresser and closet. It's starting to feel a little more real now and I can't wait until we are all home together!

I can't wait to see both of my girls together--what could be better!?!? :)

My Brain is Mush

2007-08-20T22:04:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I obviously have been slacking on the blogging the last week or so. But, the two donation bags are packed (yes, we have 100lbs worth of donations!) and all of the baby clothes are packed as well. Most of the baby "stuff" will go in one of our carry-ons, just in case our suitcases don't make it to Ethiopia with us. So, we have two more suitcases and one carry on to get a few more donations, and all the rest of our stuff into. Oh, and we are bringing a few things that some special friends in ET can't get, so we need to figure that into our luggage equation as well. Ron swears he can get all of his clothes for 11 days into a carryon. I am half tempted to let him do it. ;)

I am SO excited to go, and a little anxious at the same time. I can't wait to go back to Ethiopia. It is such a beautiful place and has such beautiful people, both inside and out. It's such a land of contradictions and you see breathtakingly beautiful scenery alongside heartbreaking poverty. I want so badly for my girls to understand their complicated homeland and the beauty that lies within it. I hope that we are able to instill that appreciation into them.

So, it's 9 days and counting at this point. 9 more days and we will be on our way to Ethiopia. 9 more days until we will be on a plane back to where I left a piece of my heart almost 2 1/2 years ago. 9 more days until we will be on the same continent as Abaynesh......I can't wait! :)