Okay, first and foremost I want to thank everyone who posted a comment here or on FB, emailed, or called after my last blog entry. Every single one of them meant so much to me, truly from the bottom of my heart. I knew then that I was not alone....that I was not a bad mom....and that it would be ok.
I had never been told, or realized, that it was okay to feel the way I felt when I last blogged. I had never had other women tell me that there were days that they didn't love being a mom, that they lost some of who they were, and that they weren't always the perfect family. No one ever wants to say that....but I did.
So, to read comments from all of these amazing women who were going through some of the same things I was helped me immensely. It validates that it's not just you, that it is hard, and that it is worth it. I just can't help but wonder why it is not spoken of more often. Why is it not okay to talk about the struggles that come with all of the good?? Why is it not okay to say that you feel restless and that you are struggling to maintain the you that you need with the you that is a mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend??
And, with all of this validation comes some perspective as well. I have SO much. My children are mainly healthy and happy. And, I have a loving husband. I have a lot. And, I am grateful for all that I have. Because with out my family, both the struggles and the joy, would disappear.
So, I am still here. I am still working through the stuff that I spewed out last time. I have not jumped off a bridge as I am guessing some of you were starting to wonder. I am way too stubborn to give up on something as good as what I have.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Still here....with a little perspective
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7 comments:
Ahh... I don't know why I don't post specifically about this stuff. Maybe because just underneath the surface is a lot of crap that will come out of I attach words to it and I feel some days like I'm surprised I did even a small amount of what I was supposed to and if I add my own emotions to it? Well, that's just scary now, isn't it???
The past few days, mullling, again, over what it means to me a mom, I've begun to think that 'losing' some of myself is ok. Not just ok, but necessary. On an every day run of the mill day, my kids need so much. (at least it feels that way)
Yes I am maintaining some of my former self, but mostly I am haphazardly building my new self, and a huge chunk of that is me as a mom. I'm trying to reframe it from a struggle to an ongoing work of art:)
And when I hit 80, I won't look anything like a work of art, if my current wrinkles are any indication, but I'm hoping I'll feel unique and priceless on the inside. Hoping. If my kids don't take me down first.
You GO girl! Keep on keepin' on! That's my motto, too. I, like you, am wayyy too stubborn to give up...and, that's a very good thing. You're NOT alone in the way you feel. For me, I guess I'm just too busy to stop and notice, for the most part. I try to be optimistic, as well, so I can't dwell on the negative. At times, though, it does catch up with me. Love those girls and their curls! Too cute. :)
Hey Sweet Kari,
Lots of love coming to you and your family from all of us in Iowa. We miss you!!
just found your blog tonight but wanted to reach out
you haven't lost yourself
momhood is sooooo sooooo sooo hard
there is just no time for yourself because your children are so little and keeping them alive takes more than 24 hours a day and all you have is 24 and you're supposed to sleep right.
hang in there! as they get a bit older it becomes easier. truly. i posted on my blog a post title 'success' it's my bio son just becoming a mom post but it's similar.
you're doing the right thing - reach out and whine about it! you deserve it! you're doing great!
i'm sure you're doin' a great job, Kari! i read the previous post "lost" so that i'd understand all that you were saying..
i've found that Jesus Christ alone satisfies my hungry hurting heart.. still a work in progress, but it's definitely a LOT easier to live this life when we realize that we CAN'T but that HE CAN.. He's more than able to take care of you and your cuties! you've taken an amaZing step in adoption.. my husband and i have considered adoption for years now.. any tips? thanks for being real.. it's important.. and just in case you are still wondering if you're the only one who goes thru stuff, you're not! your daughters are beautiful! your family looks happy.. =)
i wish you ONLY the best! hang in there.. <3
eve
Hi, you don't know me and I got your name from my cousin Tina Campeau along time ago and we had just been talking about your blog at Thanksgiving so I just had to check it out again. My husband and I are going through domestic infant adoption right now. It's really hard. We are unable to get pregnant I guess and this is where it led us. I enjoy reading about your girls and the struggles but you have been truely blessed and have given them a life that they would have never had! Thanks Michelle Allee
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