Thursday, March 20, 2008

3 Years & 6 Months--I'm losing my babies!

On March 7th, it was our third anniversary from the first time that we met Makenna in Ethiopia. I have been trying to avoid this post, because I get so emotional about all of it. I can not believe how fast the time has gone. How is it possible that our first baby is 3 years old already, or that our baby baby is almost 1?!?!?

I kept the clothes that Makenna was wearing the first time we met her ( just so you don't think I stole from an orphanage, I will add that I traded them for a different outfit :)) and we have tried them on her each year on her anniversary. They were HUGE on her when we met her(think 8lb newborn baby size), and fit her pretty well at year 1 and 2. But, at year three we are maxing out. It was a 6-9 month onsie, a 2T turtleneck, and a 12 months shorts jumper thing. Here are pics for the very first seconds that we met her in Ethiopia. She smiled as soon as she saw us--talk about melt your heart!

And, this is her now.....

So, we let her pick the food she wanted that night (Chinese-she loves it)

and we watched the video of the first time we met her.

She loved it, and has really gotten into hearing her story. But, at the end of the night she got a little emotional, and couldn't really tell us why. We talked about it, and I think it's just that she is really starting to process the emotions and figuring out that she is adopted and what that means. She said that she was "sad for Ethiopia, and sad cause I no live there". After asking more questions, what she really met was that she wanted to go visit and see Ethiopia because we have been talking about going back in a year or two. It broke my heart to see her so confused, but I totally understand why it's confusing. She needed some cuddling, and then was her sweet self again. I am sure that we will see more of this as time goes on.

AND on March 9th, is was 6 months home for Kya.....

Again, time flies! She has come so far since she has gotten home, which we are SO thankful for. She is such a sweet, but very determined little thing. It was (and still can be) very hard to see her have such turmoil when she came home. She truly hated all of the changes we were making us go through, and made sure that we knew it. She still struggles on some attachment issues, but we are hopeful that with some determined attachment parenting and more time, that she will learn to fully trust and rely on us.She has such an old soul for her her age. When you look in her eyes you see so much more. It makes me ache to know what she went through and experienced before she came into our world. And, makes me cringe when I think of how hard she had it at first when she came home, and how out of it I was. I wish that I could have been there more for her right away, but thank goodness Ron was. Anyhow,she is cruising around on furniture and will be walking soon, and is starting to copy sounds and words. She is very intuitive and sensitive. It takes so little to correct her, and she can be reduced to tears if I speak to her too harshly. I pray that it stays that easy into her teenage years too! ;)

With both of the girls, I just wish that they wouldn't have had to go through the pain and losses that they have gone through and will go through, in order to be our children. I hate seeing pain on their little faces, and I dread the tough years coming. I still remember the first time I looked at Makenna and realized that my life as I knew it was over. When I saw her smile at me, I realized that my heart was now on the outside of my body as well. I had no idea how much I would fall in love with my children. I am so thankful that I get the priviledge of being their mom and just hope that they grow up knowing how much they are loved.


JYS said...


I'm so there with ya! I am going thru many of the same emotions!

You're girls are beautiful!


Julie said...

What a sweet, thoughtful post. Your girls are absolutely gorgeous.

Heather & Adam said...

If your girls had to have another family and another mother, they sure got the perfect one. You are wonderful for them and I know that you will be strong in the tough times for them. It is hard not knowing exactly what's coming.
I love that Charlie and Kya have the same home date. Our travel group was the best!
Love and miss you all!

leslie said...

Hello to Kya from her travel buddy Ada! I can't believe it's been six months already. What a great family you are. We miss you!

Nancy said...

Beautiful post Kari. Even though our children can't express "it", they know. Makena had a similar reaction watching her baby video and often asks to go to "lablap". I wonder what "adoption" will mean to her because I want her to know how much she is loved and how much she was wanted. I hate that the circumstance of her birth has been my absolute joy.

Your girls are delightful and lucky to have you as their mom.

Stacy said...

Nice post, thanks for sharing.

KelseyChristine said...

Beautiful pictures!
We watched Aaron Tariku's (3) video with him the other day, and when it was over he burst into tears and couldn't tell us why he was crying either...

Sarah :) said...

Hi, Kari! Just getting caught up on your blog today...this post was so sweet, and I just had to say congratulations on being the mom of 2 gorgeous, precious little girls. I always love seeing photos of Makenna, and now that her sweet sister is with her, it just makes the pictures all the better. :)

Hope you've had a good April!