Overloaded

That is how I am feeling these days. Life is coming at me faster than I can take hold of it. I have hesitated to post, because I fear it will all sound negative and I do not want that. But, at last I can not hold it in any longer.

One of the big things is Makenna. I love that girl more than I can say, but she is a HANDFUL! Truly, she and Kya are my soul. But, lately Makenna has really been struggling with her behavior issues associated with her Sensory Processing Disorder.
I was naive in my understanding of what SPD really was when they first said that Makenna had it. I thought it would be this quick thing that we would do some OT for, and it would be all good in a couple of months. Of course, I was wrong in that thinking. She had so many behaviors and challenges that we compensated for, that we didn't realize some of the areas that she was struggling in. And, she has come a long way since she started, but we have so much further to go. And, with pre-school coming this fall, I just am starting to worry that she will really struggle with school based on her current behaviors.

Her biggest challenges are her frustration level, aggravated by a very short attention span and her EXCESSIVE energy. Not just a 4 yr old energy level, but like you gave said 4 yr old an energy drink or 12. It is crazy. And, we have gotten very creative in our output choices and really try to find the outlets that she so craves. She needs jumping (trampoline), swinging (now indoor and out), spinning, and heavy pushing, pulling, or carrying something like a weighted backpack. It provides good input and grounds her.We do brushing and joint compression as well. But, the need to find that input is constant, and it wears a momma down.

The worst part is that I know that there are parents who are struggling with so many other things and would love to see their child run and jump and spin, so I feel guilty for even feel annoyed by the constant need for movement. I feel guilty now for even saying all of this, but I have to.

And, just within the last week we have gotten feedback from her therapist that she has even struggled at therapy with inattentiveness, and just being a little less cooperative. So, we are now considering a diet change. We have decided to attempt a gluten-free diet first, with a possible dairy free diet down the line if necessary. Again, I am overwhelmed and stumbling into a whole new world that I know nothing about. I have spent hours online reading, researching and learning. Today I went shopping for some of the gluten free basics, and now feel ready to start this challenge. But, any ideas or input are welcome.

I guess it just comes down to the fact that I want to do the best thing that I can for her, but I feel like I don't always know what that is. It's so unfair to her to struggle like she does with some things, but I can't take that away and it is paralyzing to me at times. I pray everyday that she grows up realizing that I did the best I could, but will that be good enough????