Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Tough Questions Begin

Makenna is 2 1/2. Everynight we read stories before she goes to bed. She has a pile near her bed, and chooses 2-3 books to read before we pray and snuggle. EVERY night she chooses Over the Moon-an adoption tale. It's one of her favorite books (with no prompting from us, we want her to choose) and she knows the story. Because it's about adoption, we use it as a stepping stone to conversations about her adoption story. She listens, but has never asked, until tonight.....

There is a part of the story where it says the baby grew in another ladies tummy. So she asked me "me in mama Kari's tummy?" I said "no, not in mommy's tummy, but you grew in your Ethiopian mommy's tummy." "What her name mommy?" I just looked at her sweet face and tried to fight back tears. "I don't know yet baby." is all I could say and she didn't ask anymore. I don't know why, but I just wasn't prepared for the question. And, it re-inforced how much it breaks my heart to not have the answers for her. I really don't know her name. I really don't know anything, or have any of the answers to any of her questions. And, she's only 2 1/2--we've got years worth of questions to go!

We have practiced what we will say to her and have talked to her about her adoption since she came home. But, it so much harder than I expected it to be now that she is starting to really understand. I am overwhelmed and am feeling so many emotions. Ugh!

4 comments:

Pammy Jo said...

Kari, don't beat yourself up. You are an awesome wonderful mommy. I love you very much.... and I know you are emotional but the Lord will give you the strenth you need.
Besides you have one of the most beautiful baby girls I have ever laid eyes on...

Sarah H said...

I love the blog Kari. You are an awesome mom, and Makenna will know that above anything else always. I pray you get news on the new baby girl soon. I'll keep reading...

Nancy said...

Oh Kari that is heartbreaking. You seem a tremendously sensitive and supportive momma. I am amazed that she is already asking the questions and aware at just 2 1/2. I dread these moments. I look at my Makena and wish so much that we didn't have to go down this road. I just want to remain in the bliss of watching her be a baby :)

Kari said...

Thanks for the kind comments everyone! I appreciate it. I know that she will know she is loved. And, I know I can only do my best. So, that's where we go from here I guess. We'll see what happens!